Hi Mel, sorry you are having such a hard time of it at the moment. I think you are coping very well with losing little Nicholas, and whoever said you needed to get help should take al ong walk off a short peir!! I have been talking to people who aren't anywhere near you are in the healing process who lost that babes before you did. SO don't be hard on yourself, I think it is just this time of year and the additional pressure of what we have lost - with it being what should have been the first family Christmas.

I chose not to think of Jemma as s/b I think of her as having been born sleeping! I think it is a lot easier to think about her that way!

I too wanted to prentend Christmas wasn't happening but sadly, everyone else had different idea. Oh well, at least I'll be busy I my DP and I have been roped into making Christmas pudding and Christmas Cakes for 25+ people! So much for quiet!

I will be staying with my same gynae, the only thing is he is in SA and I live on contract in Guinea! Will be interesting, but my DP and I have said I'll go back there and get all the relevant tests done and then see what Dr says. If he says I can come home I will, otherwise I'll stay in SA with my Mum for the whole time.

I'll sign off fornow. But please feel free to hit whoever next sets the reindeer off, it makes me cringe at the thought!!

Love
Sarah