Oh Tashy, sweety. It is just so hard. I am so sorry you are in the depths of such sorrow right now. I know it will get better for you. I wish I could pop round to see you, let you cry, tell me your story again and just to listen to your pain. Why don't you write it all down in here again...your feelings i mean. It doesn't matter if we have heard it before. It can just hep to validate how you are feeling.
It is only natural that wound was going to be so raw again when you have had to revisit those recent memories doing those reports for the OB. I wish i could take it away but then a part of me doesn't. Your pain and heartache is in direct relation to just how much you loved your boys, the dreams it took to create them and the legacy they have left behind. How could i diminish that. What do you think you could do to feel a bit better today? Just today? A bath, a shower, a takeaway and delivered meal, a movie, a massage, a certain food, a certain phone call. Even to look over your things that belong to your boys, photos, blankets, memories....anything to feel closer to them. Light a candle and have a little chat with them.

I am thinking of you hun and I am working on my computer should you ned to chat furher, I can pick up your posts quickly. xoxo Hugs dear friend. xoox