Instead of seeing myself as a failure for not sustaining the life of our little guy... Let me assure you that I have cradled the thought of how I failed Eli close to my heart for a while now... but just the other night I had this thought... I hope I don't offend any of you. I think the only way I could have failed Eli would be if I didn't walk away from all of this unimaginable pain with a deeper love of life, a deeper love for each day... even the days that make you so nuts you want to lick windows and streak through town nekkid. And a better understanding of how we are all tied to eachother... the living and the absent, the emotionally bruised and the elated, we have been given a gift, as bittersweet as they come. The gift is knowing that every single moment is to be cherished and every baby... no matter how small deserves a Mommy who will love them forever.

So, as I see it, there is NO way on earth that any of you could be a failure. Hugs and Love to you all.

CeCe