What day is/was AF due Jo???
How many days will you wait for before testing??
Sending sticky vibes and waiting with antisipation!!!

Grafton is about 2 or so hours away from where i live. How long will you be staying near there? if im not doing anything and you want to maybe we could meet up. See how you go though- enjoy the time with your family too.

Judy- its so easy to blame ourselves. I think the important thing to remmeber is that you never wanted anything bad to happen to your babies- you NEVER did anything to harm them intentionally or even unintentionally and as hard as it is, try to go easy on yourself, Blaming your self wont make the pain go away, it sort of makes it worse, because while you continue to blame yourself you cant move on.
Its terrible that this has happened to all of us- but it sort of shows that it does "just happen" I dont beleive that anyone of us deserves the pain we feel or the heartache- but its how we move on and support eachother that helps.
The hardest part about moving on and starting to feel better is that i start to think it means i have stopped caring. And i know i haven't, i just need to move on. and its a good thing that the pain isn't as bad, and it never really goes away- it just doesn't hurt quite as much.

Last night DH and i had a little bit of a talk about stuff. I got a bit upset because i feel like while he does so much in memory of Zahra-but he doesnt do the same for Darren. And to be honest, i feel like i am a bit the same. i will light a candle for him and have done for his "would have been" day of birth (EDD 10th October) and 1st and 2nd birthday and i will do the same for his 3rd- but my main point was that i felt like since we lost Zahra and we pay her so much respect, i feel bad that we never really showed Darren the same. DH said he felt a bit the same but wasn't sure how to approach me about it because he didn't want to make me upset. He said everytime he lights Zahra's candles he is thinking of all of our children- but that maybe we should set something up for Darren too. I know i have never forgotton about my little monkey (chinese star sign) and i will go shopping and look for something special to give him for his 3rd birthday to help mummy and daddy rememeber him.
Uh oh- water works are starting, Not good while at work- so i will leave it here.
Deep breath katti.
Thanks for listening
Love Katxoxox