Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

[Banx]

I don't find asking for money, donations to wishing well (for a specific purpose), vouchers at certain stores, donations to honeymoon.... at all rude or shallow...

I would much rather help give the newlyweds something that they can and want to use and something they will remember forever..

[Liviam]

We also did a wishing well for our wedding as we had moved two house into one unit together so not only did we have everything we needed we had two of them. One thing we didn't have was a good lounge suite so I said that is what we would be buying with it so people knew what we were going to do with it. With the invitation we provided the envelope so it would be completely anamolyous (sp?) and the wishing well was placed on the table at the entry to the reception next to the table seating list so it was visable to all guests.
Before our engagement party I was going to do presenets but after getting over 20, yes you read it right, 20 platters I opted for the wishing well.
I do not think it is rude to ask for a wishing well over presents and I am certainly not a shallow person!!

[mako]

I don't think its rude to ask for money as a wedding gift.
We had a "treasure chest" at our wedding but we also had a very small gift register at Myers for people who weren't comfortable in giving money.

We only did this as we'd been living together for 6 years and had the smallish appliences and towels,sheets etc but needed some larger items of furniture etc. We were able to buy a new tv and entertainment unit and a few other items with the money we recieved.

So the money certainly wasn't "wasted" and it was and is still very much appreciated

[Kailani]

I wouldn't specifically ask for money. If me and my DP had everything we needed and didn't want any gifts, I would specifically say please no gifts and somehow try to get across to guests that we do not have any room/need for them! Of course people would still probably give gifts - things we don't need or already have, but isn't that the nature of gift giving? I know that my family rather give cash than gifts anyway, as they are lazy or can't think of what to buy lol. I am a big charity person so I think the Oxfam idea or having a wishing well set up for a charity is a great idea! I think I'll p*ss off a lot of people at my wedding - I've already told DP the catering will be strictly vegetarian!

On the other hand, it is really understandable why asking for money is common these days. Considering many couples tie the knot after living with each other for a while, traditional gifts aimed to set them up for married life are kinda irrelevant iykwim. Therefore money is more practical, and it also ensures that it will actually be used for something the couple need or want. Isn't that the whole point to begin with??

[fingerscrossed]

HI Everyone,

I haven't been to a wedding for a while and have never been asked for money as a present.

I think the biggest issue s here not being asked for money but how the happy couple ASK for it. When you are invited as a guest, it should be because the bride and groom want to share the day with you, not because you'll pay them back for the food and drink you consume on the day!

But, as a guest, it is customary to give a gift for good luck for the marriage, usually something you choose, whether from your own choice or from a list of suggested gifts/ registry.

If you make a gentle suggestion such as, "if you would like to give a wedding gift for the bride and groom, we are currently saving towards a honeymoon/ renovation/ whatever, and if you would like to contribute to this dream, there will be wishing well at the wedding reception.', it is so much nicer than 'we have everything we want, just give us money!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Wishin wells are becoming more and more common to the point where most stationary design places include wishing well cards in the packages.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've got two "money" weddings coming up.

I'm getting personalised gifts for the couple. Just because they haven't said for what they will use the money. If it was for renovations or moving to a bigger house I'd give money (and have done in the past). But otherwise I find it a bit distasteful. I DON'T want to pay for someone to go on honeymoon - that's not because it's wrong, just my viewpoint.

So what if you already have lived together and have things? DH and I had things - but we didn't have NICE things, like the dinner service, crystal glasses, good cutlery... actually, most of our kitchen things were second-hand so we got some lovely new things that were really cheap for the kitchen. New bed sheets. Tablecloths. We didn't need some things you traditionally buy people but we did need other things. We were bought a freezer, but we already had a fridge (for example).

I would rather give to charity, maybe I'll sponsor something for the couple for a year, that may be better than hand-painted coasters with their names and wedding date on. I don't mind money going to a new house or a BIG project the couple need (we had people give us money and state it was to help us buy a house) but I dunno, the thought of giving money when we've already spent a bomb just travelling to the wedding and the couple using that at the bar... I just don't like it. I'd rather not be upset by that thought and do a charity thing for them instead. Thanks for this thread, I'm glad I can help someone with this now!

[Bloom]

I'm a bit of a stick-in-the-mud when it comes to this. I am not offended if people as for money (though I didn't do it myself nor would I) but I hold that it is the gift givers right to decide what to give in the end. After all receiving a gift is a priveldge not a right.

So if people ask for money but I know something that they would both like and use and dont' have, then I will give them the gift. I think it's nice to have someTHING from ME in particular on the celebration of their marriage. So I don't think it's rude to ask for money but I also don't think it's rude to give a present if asked for money.

[luna moth]

I am a big charity person so I think the Oxfam idea or having a wishing well set up for a charity is a great idea! I think I'll p*ss off a lot of people at my wedding - I've already told DP the catering will be strictly vegetarian!

Our wedding was vegetarian too! Let me know if you need any other ideas...

I'm sorry for suggesting that asking for money is shallow. It's not, really. I actually think it's better than to end up with 5 fluoro orange tea towels and a hideous hurricane lamp (which we did, even after asking for no gifts!) That comment was misdirected anger at us getting less than our friends who asked for money for themselves.
And get this - one person, as we were leaving, hugged me and said "Oh, and that money? It's for your honeymoon, not for your sponsored child"
Can you believe it?!?!