Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

[luna moth]

I am a big charity person so I think the Oxfam idea or having a wishing well set up for a charity is a great idea! I think I'll p*ss off a lot of people at my wedding - I've already told DP the catering will be strictly vegetarian!

Our wedding was vegetarian too! Let me know if you need any other ideas...

I'm sorry for suggesting that asking for money is shallow. It's not, really. I actually think it's better than to end up with 5 fluoro orange tea towels and a hideous hurricane lamp (which we did, even after asking for no gifts!) That comment was misdirected anger at us getting less than our friends who asked for money for themselves.
And get this - one person, as we were leaving, hugged me and said "Oh, and that money? It's for your honeymoon, not for your sponsored child"
Can you believe it?!?!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Wishin wells are becoming more and more common to the point where most stationary design places include wishing well cards in the packages.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've got two "money" weddings coming up.

I'm getting personalised gifts for the couple. Just because they haven't said for what they will use the money. If it was for renovations or moving to a bigger house I'd give money (and have done in the past). But otherwise I find it a bit distasteful. I DON'T want to pay for someone to go on honeymoon - that's not because it's wrong, just my viewpoint.

So what if you already have lived together and have things? DH and I had things - but we didn't have NICE things, like the dinner service, crystal glasses, good cutlery... actually, most of our kitchen things were second-hand so we got some lovely new things that were really cheap for the kitchen. New bed sheets. Tablecloths. We didn't need some things you traditionally buy people but we did need other things. We were bought a freezer, but we already had a fridge (for example).

I would rather give to charity, maybe I'll sponsor something for the couple for a year, that may be better than hand-painted coasters with their names and wedding date on. I don't mind money going to a new house or a BIG project the couple need (we had people give us money and state it was to help us buy a house) but I dunno, the thought of giving money when we've already spent a bomb just travelling to the wedding and the couple using that at the bar... I just don't like it. I'd rather not be upset by that thought and do a charity thing for them instead. Thanks for this thread, I'm glad I can help someone with this now!

[Bloom]

I'm a bit of a stick-in-the-mud when it comes to this. I am not offended if people as for money (though I didn't do it myself nor would I) but I hold that it is the gift givers right to decide what to give in the end. After all receiving a gift is a priveldge not a right.

So if people ask for money but I know something that they would both like and use and dont' have, then I will give them the gift. I think it's nice to have someTHING from ME in particular on the celebration of their marriage. So I don't think it's rude to ask for money but I also don't think it's rude to give a present if asked for money.

[lila]

well, we did it ourselves, it is normal were we come from (europe), so everybody does it like this.
we were able to pay for the whole reception with that money!

i don't get offended at all i don't have to think about what to ge them and not a million others get them too, i even had a couple giving us an account no. at a travel agent, so they went on a honeymoon with the money they got, i think its better then lots of things you don't really want/need/like....

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I'm from Europe and live in Europe still and it's not the norm here! It's a new thing and not many people like it. Maybe you're from a different part of Europe than I am.

I'd be horrified if I gave money and the couple used it for the reception. Stick to a budget! (Same for the honeymoon - it's not a necessity and you can go camping or just lock the doors at home if you have no cash.) I'm not giving you money to pay for having me as a guest! I find that rather rude, which is why I prefer to give a gift if I do not know how the money is planned to be spent.

[Karina]

We did this for our wedding. We had already been living together for a little while so didnt really need any of the house type things as we had them already. The only thing for our house we really needed was a sofa... so we just asked people for a small amount of money so we could by ourselves a sofa. lol!

We werent fussed with whether or not people gave us money. A few people couildnt afford a gift or money and I was fine with that. It was more about them being there on the day. I dint care how much money we recieved.

We just had a wishing well in the foyer of the reception venue. People just put their envelopes in it and there was no pressure for them to have the envelope with them at their table and we didnt make any fuss or mention over it. I wouldnt have wanted to have put anyone in an embarrassing situation by having people come up to me and put the envelope in the box infront of me. But we also made it pretty clear to people that if they felt wierd about giving money then they can get a goft instead. A few people got a gift for us as well and that was cool as well.

I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable at this wedding. I do aggree that they could have done it a bit differently as it seems like quite a few people were uncomfortable with the way the money giving thing was done.