oh Jaspen, hugs to you honey. Your in a fragile place with your Dad illness right now (as any one would be), your poor kids can probably sense it and are mucking up as they don't know what else to do. they are probably not use to seeing you not 100% in control. You have done nothing wrong, no one can watch their kids 24/7. We all do our best each day.
Screw that old man, I bet he NEVER had to manage 3 kids every day.

re: toddler not listening, on 9am (TV show) this morning they said that if you whisper it, they may listen? They also said you could write in and in two weeks they will deal with the most common problems like not listening to instructions and how to get your kids to do stuff... so it sounds like you and Bath's are not alone.

My girlfriend has a 3 yo, she tells her to "turn her listening ears on" her daughter then has to stop what she is doing, pretend to switch her ears (a physical response) then her Mum will tell her what to do.. maybe you could try this? It works a treat for them.

Me: nothing like retail therapy , i just bought a Zoo Pillow for breast feeding and a bath stand..the Zoo Pillow also works as a seat for Ally, I will post a picture for you on my site so you can see it...