When your beliefs are different to family/friends...
I'm not even a different religion to my family so I can't imagine what it's like for others who are!! I guess it's like everything else, people think they have a right to have an opinion on everything you do.
My family is Christian but they don't really go to church or anything (only on special days sometimes), they still consider themselves Christian though. I am Christian and I don't go to church either (can't find one around here where I feel comfortable ), but I try to live as a Christian in my daily life. I also have a few beliefs that are different to them, nothing major. For example, I choose not to eat pork. I don't see how this effects anyone else?? I wouldn't have even told them if it hadn't come up and they didn't keep pestering me about why I wouldn't have any bacon for breakfast one day. So now everyone in my family knows this but instead of just accepting it they're always trying to tell me to 'get over it' or 'don't be silly'. I've had comments like 'oh what she doesn't know won't hurt her' (when making food that has bacon in it or something).
Omg, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I have kids. I'm scared about letting them stay over or anything because they will just try to undermine me and tell my kids I'm 'just being silly'.
What is their problem? Why do I have to conform to what they think I should do otherwise I am picked on? It's not fair. These are my beliefs, not something I just came up with one day to annoy them. Even if I talk about wanting to go to church or something they would roll their eyes or something and say 'oh, you're not into that stuff'. What? How would you know? And it's not a negative thing, it's a good thing!!
The reason this topic is coming up now is b/c there is a special/holy day coming up and I have family visiting me at the time. I don't know how I can possibly observe that day with them here and that's not fair.
How do other people deal with their family when they have different religious views to them?? Have you had any problems with family in the past over things like this??
Thanks for listening guys, good to get that out!! They make me so mad sometimes.
Oh bum! Maybe I'm just the only one with the inconsiderate family!! lol. Surely that can't be the case though.
I was also thinking (because of the euthanasia thread), what about when religious beliefs are different to society's beliefs? I know in Christianity for example there are some pretty controversial beliefs which were accepted back in the day but are now not so accepted by society. How do we stay true to our beliefs without offending people?? I just keep it to myself but sometimes these things come up in conversation. How do you deal with it?
SJ - we don't really practise any religion in my family - my mum never made us go to church or anything like that. However, I'm (and my husband) are neopagans - and nobody else in the family "gets" us... but we never let it worry us - just go about our business. Sure we see the if we start talking about our stuff, but thats ok. Each to their own I guess.
I had my cousin try to convert me to her religion - she's a born again christian. And while I have nothing against anybody else for their religious beliefs, I do have a problem with people trying to force their beliefs down my throat - IYKWIM?
I'm one of those naughty people that tell door knockers to "f" off - if I need a new religion I'll go find it myself.. lol...
I really have no idea what my point is.... damn.. baby brain...
My inlaw's are extrem catholics. JEd and I have choosen no religion at all and have decided that we would like our children to pick for them selves IFYKWIM.
I get very hurt with my inlaws when they say of the cuff remarks..for example when Nikolaus was a baby Jed's mum was making this beautiful shawl for our nephews christening. Jed asked when nikolaus was going to get one and she replied with when he gets christened.
I am no way pushy that we have no beliefs and support and praise them they have yet we get shot down sometimes with these small remarks that are quiet hurtfull. I have learnt to bite my tongue with many things as religious beliefs seem to be one of those issues that no one thinks they are wrong in.
After telling them that the boys were going to the local catholics school they came back with - we didnt expect anything else. We didnt send the boys to that school because of the religion...it was because of the great learning structure and reputation it had. the religion was just a bonus
Im sorry that your family isnt as supportive as they should be. I think that you should just stand firm with your beliefs and let them know that they hurt you with their silly snid remarks.
Quiet obviously thought they feel uncomfortable about your belief so maybe even next time when they say their silly things you could laugh at them as say it doesnt hurt to be positive sometimes.
Mel- I hate the rolling of the eyes!! How rude!! I agree, why can't everyone just leave everyone alone to do their own thing!
Maz- Thankyou for your advice! I don't know how to tell them they're being really rude because they do it in a way that is like they're joking but really being mean so if you say something they'll just make you feel stupid like it was just a joke don't be so serious. grr....I hate when ppl are so passive aggressive like that!! And the thing I don't get is that we're all the same religion!! rofl. It's just that maybe I take it more seriously than them?? Hmm...maybe I make them feel insecure. Not my problem!!
Candice- Oh, don't you hate that!! Thankyou for those references, I'm going to go look them up now!
In my family I have buddhists and atheists mostly, and my mum who is a way out there pentecostal christian. I have the most trouble with her unfortunately. She believes that all health problems can be healed by faith and therefore using modern medicine is an indication of a lack of faith.
My sister has a mental illness and suffers from depression and has suicidal tendancies at times. Last time she had an episode, I picked her up and drove her to mum's on the understanding that mum was taking her to hospital. When I left mum's house, mum decided to take her to church for a faith healing instead. It did not work and wow did it cause a fight between her and dad (dad is atheist).
It causes so much trouble, and she is always berating me for not sharing more of my faith with her. Truthfully, I just don't trust her with something so intimate.
Things will get interesting when mum and the rest of the family see's how we introduce religion / faith to our child. We are hoping to have a baby dedication (not a baby baptism because we do not believe in that) and I already know it is going to cause tension. We also only go to church about once a month, I find it is more important to actually live the christian life than to merely attend church. Yet another thing my mother disagrees with!
I think you should stick to your guns and stand up for what you believe in. It is wrong of your family to try and trick you into eating bacon, or doing anything that is against your beliefs. Families should be there to supporty you on this walk, not derail you! Hang in there!
There is so much more I could say but I will leave it at that for the moment...
Candice- it's so hard hey!! Looks like you have some of the same problems! Either you're too religious, or not religious enough?? It's like you have to be just like them or it's not good enough!!
I'm sorry to hear about your sister and also your problems with your mum It can be so frustrating.
We are thinking of having a dedication too because that's what I believe I should too but I'm also wondering what's going to be said about that. My mum had it done for 2 of my siblings and a while ago another family member said something to me about 'when your mother went through that weird stage and didn't get the boys christened properly' So they're going to think I'm a weirdo too then.
On a side note- what churches do dedications? Is it only Baptist? Or is that not even the one.
I go to a baptist church and we only do dedications. Baptisms are done once the person is old enough to make a concious choice for Christ. I am not sure about other denominations to be honest, but my sister (who isn't a believer) got her daughter baptised / christened in an Anglican church.
There was a baby dedication on the fathers day service a few sundays ago. It was lovely, the parents were commiting themselves to raising up their child in the ways of the Lord, the rest of the family promised to help and support the parents to do that, and the church also promised to support the whole family. Overall I was impressed, it was lovely.
You could explain it to the other families members like this: We are doing this in response to these scriptures
Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
and
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
and later when they are older they may choose to be baptised. But explain that these are two seperate events.
I hope this helps! We cannot please all people at all times, so just go with your conviction.
SJ, it is very challenging isn't it! My DH was brought up muslim and I was brought up catholic. His family are not around so I don't haev to deal with them but my family are around and mum and dad are very catholic. He does not observe all muslim things but he does not eat pork products and does not want dd to either. He does not tell me what to eat but I don't have pork products in the house.
My mum is absolutley lovely and would love to take dd to church but will not out of respect for DH's views. But she does not seem to care about feeding dd ham sandwiches and putting bacon in pumpkin soup and feeding taht to both DD and DH. It sort of makes me laugh now as it does not matter how many times I say it she just can't understand it.
We did not have any ceremonies for DD as I jsut thougth it would cause too many issues. I feel like I should try to do more to teach her about our faiths so she can make an informed decision when she is older.
I was baptized and raised Catholic by parents who identify as Catholic (one never goes to mass, the other goes and snoozes in the back row every week )
I have never felt comfortable with christianity or the catholic faith since I was very young. About 10 years ago I began to explore buddhism. You'd think I'd gone and joined a cult for the way my parents ridiculed it and carried on. They really had (still don't have) the faintest idea what it's all about. When our children were born they weren't baptized yet they are still assuming they will be going to catholic schools (they aren't).
I don't discuss my spirituality with them anymore because although they are my parents and I love them, and i know they love me - they don't understand it and have no interest in understanding it.
It's my life, these are mine and my husbands children...we will raise them as we see fit. They've had their turn
anney- people can be really disrespectful!! I remember someone in my family once talking about how they went to a BBQ for something and they couldn't have pork there because of the muslim people and the meat had to be halal. And they were saying: why should we cater for them? Should have just not told them that it was halal anyway, what they don't know won't hurt them! I can't believe how rude this is. They just don't get it at all!! It's not the same as a kid not liking it's veggies so you hide them in it's food!!
tobily- that's what it's like, like you've gone and joined some weird cult!! I feel like you too, I just don't discuss things with them anymore.
There's a great bit in Isaiah - at the end somewhere, really near the end, like chapter 58 onwards, I'm thinking 65 but could be wrong - about doing what's right in the sight of God and not in the sight of man. Decide who you're going to please and do it. If you have studied the Bible and believe that eating pork is wrong then stick to it - show your family the scripture.
Personally, I believe that what God has made clean no man should make unclean (somewhere in Acts... I need to brush up on my memory verses) BUT that's my belief, not yours. We are both trying to do what is right in the eyes of God and I'm not to tell you that I'm right about it and you're not, but I will say why I believe what I do and let you be guided by scripture. (Can I ask where you get your beliefs from? I'd rather be corrected if I need to be.)
If you are lied to then as far as I'm concerned, it's not your problem - the person who lied will have to answer to God on two counts; lying and going against God's word. You do the best you can to the best of your abilities and God can't blame you for someone else lying to you.
Good for you for sticking to your guns and I agree, if you can't trust someone then they shouldn't babysit.
(BTW, Maz, I agree Christening shawls are nice to have for a christening, but why not knit a lovely shawl for another reason: christening shawls aren't scriptural, gorgeousest baby in the world shawls aren't non-scriptural.)
Thankyou very much for your post Ryn, it's exactly what I think. I would never be so disrespectful as to trick someone b/c I didn't agree with their beliefs or tell them I thought their beliefs were wrong/silly. I don't really care if ppl have different beliefs to me as long as they're happy.
I tried to start writing about the not eating pork thing but I was not making any sense or explaining myself well, lol, so I found an article on it instead that explains much better than I could here I haven't read all of it tho coz it's pretty long!! But I think it gives the idea.
Basically there's two views on different parts of scripture and what they mean regarding if the food laws were abolished or not. There was heaps of articles on it when I googled.
Thanks for that, SaraJane, that was an interesting read. Certainly something to think about.
I don't eat pig meat anyway - the odd bit of meat I do eat is mostly fish or beef for the Sunday roast - but something to think about for my son, who eats pretty much everything. I do eat prawns so will be poring over those Bible verses this weekend to make sure they check out when taken in context!
Yeah, I didn't eat much pork before anyway and then after reading stuff like that the stuff about how gross pigs can be was enough to put me off anyway, lol. But I love prawns and calamari Oh well.
Maybe you could announce to everyone that you are now following the Duck God. Wear only orange on Tuesdays and insist they take their shoes off and turn around anti-clockwise before they enter you house. Wave your arms around chanting to 'cleanse their auras' as they enter.
Set up a little table in the corner and place random objects such as your hairbrush, blender and some vacuum cleaner bags on there. Surround them with candles.
If there is a family function you don't want to go to, tell your family you cant possibly go as its Sacred Purple Day.
A few months of this and they will be relieved when you tell them you got bored with it and have decided to go back to normal and never give you crap about it again.....
DH and I are seventh day adventist (sda) christians. This is something that has come from DH's family and my family are all athiests (although they may say otherwise when asked... I believe in something??? That kind of thing)
Anyway, main things about sda's we don't drink alcohol, don't eat unclean meat (pork, seafood w/out scales), and being adventists for the seventh day we observe the Sabbath on a Saturday. Try explaining this to a judgemental family who thinks you've been brainwashed by the new boyfriend!!
So after 8.5yrs I think they are starting to accept my choices, although deep down they probably still think i'm nuts!
The hardest part about personal beliefs is when you feel like you have to defend them, they are personal and therefore not up for negotiation with friends or family that's hardest part for them to understand.
Anyone who takes a stand and goes against the grain to follow their heart and their faith - GOOD ON YOU!!!
When your beliefs are different to family/friends...
), but I try to live as a Christian in my daily life. I also have a few beliefs that are different to them, nothing major. For example, I choose not to eat pork. I don't see how this effects anyone else?? I wouldn't have even told them if it hadn't come up and they didn't keep pestering me about why I wouldn't have any bacon for breakfast one day. So now everyone in my family knows this but instead of just accepting it they're always trying to tell me to 'get over it' or 'don't be silly'. I've had comments like 'oh what she doesn't know won't hurt her' (when making food that has bacon in it or something).
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if we start talking about our stuff, but thats ok. Each to their own I guess.
. I will be back later to repost, I think I took to long typing it out 
.
I hate the rolling of the eyes!! How rude!! I agree, why can't everyone just leave everyone alone to do their own thing!
that's what it's like, like you've gone and joined some weird cult!! I feel like you too, I just don't discuss things with them anymore.
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