AAARRRGGGHHH Families!!

[nicjay]

Hi again,

Finally enough time to write a reply to everyone!

Thanks AJC and Starrysky, you are both so right. The support in here has been a big help - apart from a few good friends and my dad and stepmother there hasn't been much support from people I know IRL


scooby - I think I remember reading your thread, how insensitive of your MIL *hugs* It really just gets to me when they change the subject like that - I know how you feel about screaming in their faces. I'm like you too, a bit reserved in showing my feelings when I can hide it (which I haven't been very successful at lately), but I too don't think you should have to scream and carry on if you don't want to have it assumed that you are "over it".


Chris - thanks! I think sometimes that it would be nice to be one of those people who gets over a miscarriage really fast - no one really understands that we don't actually enjoy feeling like this! I hope you are doing OK.


munchy - OMG, I cannot believe your rellies, how utterly awful that they would not even go to your DDs funeral I feel a bit like scooby, angry for you. It is just not right that they should do that to you when you are trying to deal with the grief of losing your little one like that. Surely even if they felt that way inside, they could have at least hidden it for your sake and your DHs sake. Big hugs.


Nelle - thanks for the reply, I don't think you're out of line at all! Actually I do think that you are pretty right in how you've summed it up. I'm pretty well aware that she is doing it because she doesn't want to upset me, and has probably assumed that I am starting to move on. But this is despite my DH telling her that I am still struggling with everything, so I do feel that she is trying to sweep it under the rug a bit KWIM? And unfortunately it doesn't help me deal with my miscarriage at all. It would have been much better as far as I am concerned if she had just asked me how it would be best for her to help me deal with this.

But having said all of that, I think that a lot of that generation didn't even talk about miscarriage (or grief either much), so that is why they are like they are. I guess it will just take me some time to come to terms with this attitude. Nobody in my DHs family has as much as said "I'm sorry" to me, even his sisters that I have good relationships with, which has upset me more than I can say. And it actually comes across as a bit cold to me, as well as that they are also just trying to make it a bit easier on themselves. After all by not saying anything to me to acknowledge it then they don't have to deal with me being upset about it to them if that makes any sense?

I guess also that this wasn't actually a "real baby" to them either in a lot of ways - they had only known that I was pregnant for 2 weeks. But it was a real baby to me - perhaps if I had not seen the baby alive on ultrasound at 8 weeks, it might not have been so difficult to take when I found out the baby had died - I just don't know But I really wish they would try to understand and not ask me "what's wrong" six weeks later!! I think that's part of the problem I have - I don't feel that they are trying to understand either.

Anyway, I've waffled on for long enough, I hope all of this makes sense. I guess it is as much me trying to get things straight in my mind as it is me trying to explain how I feel.