Darling, I feel so so sad when I read your words.
It WILL get better and you WILL get thru this time. It is slow and nobody's journey duplicates another. How you are feeling is what incredible grief feels like. It is a lonely, cold place that hurts incredibly.

I can remember when I had found out my first baby had died. I was sent home to come back the next day for a D & C. I remember when I woke up the next day it seemed incongruous that the sun still rose, that life was going on around me as if nothing was wrong. When clearly it was all so terribly wrong. I too that first time found it hard to get out of bed. It took weeks before I would go down the street. I couldn't stand the questions, the cheery faces, the sad faces... I couldn't stand any of it.
What you are experiencing is part of the process - you need to be supported - come in here and get that loving support. You may find comfort / help from Sids kids or other organisations or a private counsellor...

One day soon you will smile more in the day than you will cry. It will slowly happen.

We are here to help you, to cry with you, to laugh with you - to be your friend.