After 12 months TTC, hubbie and I were thrilled to learn I was pregnant recently. With very few pregnancy symptoms, the first 12 weeks had been uneventful. We couldn't wait for our first ultrasound (u/s). The day before the u/s, I noticed a small amount of brown bleeding after bike riding (and initially wondered if the bike riding was the cause). Light bleeding and mild cramping continued the next day, so we were feeling a bit worried.
At the 12 wk u/s, we learned that the gestational sac had stopped developing at 8 wks and there was no sign of a fetus (we later read that this is called a 'blighted ovum').
Following the brief u/s, we were instructed to go home and the doctor would call us later that day. All we were told was that there was no fetus. No counselling services were offerred and we were ushered out the door with a farewell of "see you next time", as women in the waiting room looked on in silence. The clinic clearly was ill-equipped to address adverse outcomes. The experience felt humiliating at such a vulnerable time for us. I hope others never have to experience this.
I'm now waiting at home to miscarry 'naturally' and may have to have a curette if it doesn't happen in the next few days. I have mild bleeding and occasional mild-moderate cramping. Would others recommend I have a curette immediately, or wait and see if I miscarry? How will I know if I've completely miscarried or still need a curette anyway?
Thanks for your advice,
mjs
P.S. We know that miscarriage is common but it doesn't make it any less painful right now. So many tears and such sadness surrounding the sudden end to our hopes and dreams for this 'little one'. We will continue to TTC in the future, but will take time to grieve and look after eachother, emotionally ,first.
I have had 4 miscarriages in 18 months (most recent 4 weeks ago). #2 -I let myself miscarry naturally at 5 weeks which was fine as there was not much to come out. However, when you miscarry later there is alot more to miscarry (but not sure with blighted ovum?). With my 3rd miscarriage I was told to just see how I go (bad idea) - I found out at 8 weeks that I had miscarried and did not start to fully bleed until 12 1/2 weeks after amuch spotting and cramping- what a saga! When the bleeding did start I could not get off the toilet for about 8 hours (similar to hemoraging)and then had to have an ultrsound the next day to see if it was all out - it wasn't - so had to have a d&C. I would not wish this on anyone as it feels like labour. Check with your OB but a D&C is a more humane way to do it.
I had a natural m/c (at the time I didn't know it was a m/c) and lemme tell you, it was painful, but if you are willing to wait, then thats what you should do. When I m/c'ed, I was sitting on the loo (tmi sorry ladies!) and - I had been bleeding a little bit before that - all of a sudden, I saw a clot pass, I grabbed toilet paper and looked and it had a small white bubble in it.
Again, it's really up to you. I didn't exactly get to chose if I wanted to get a D & C, it just came out all on its own.
Sorry for all the icky-ness.. Sending you big :hugs:
Big hugs my love this is a sad and confusing time that I understand too well... :hugs:
I miscarried naturally 3 times, one of those miscarriages was quite painful but it was fine with heat packs and some mersyndol for the pain... I didn't require a d &C with those 3 pregnancies. The first day is the most painful and then it's really like a heavy period.
I can't help you choose and I think everyone has an opinion on what was best for them... I think personally that there is something quite therapeutic about waiting for a natural miscarriage - it seems somehow complete (to me). I had a missed miscarriage at 16 weeks (my baby had died at 14 weeks) -- for her I had a D & C and I found it too surreal. I found out she had flown away, went to sleep pregnant and woke up not pregnant. I found it really difficult...
I am thinking of you and we are all here to support you whatever your choice is. Perhaps just wait and see how things go over the next few days?
Lots and lots of love as you go through this time...
I am so sorry mjs. I also had a blighted ovum, just a little earlier than yours. I chose to have a d and c rather than just wait for the natural m/c to occur as it can take time, and having a curette, was a way to grieve and start to heal. I couldnt face not knowing when i would start to bleed, and i knew that all the sadness and grief would just begin all over again then. DH and i didnt have any counselling either and a think we needed it, but by the time we realised that we had sort of just relied on ourselves and talked between the two of us.
I hope that things are going to be ok for your and your partner. I understand how you feel, remember it just takes time. I wish all the best for you both, Mel
Oh, and just another thing, if you have the curette maybe just maybe you might get an answer as to why you miscarried as they will be able to do more tests.
Thankyou for all your beautiful words of support. Being my first post, I wasn't sure that anyone would reply. Your responses mean so much. What a wonderfully active and positive forum this is. So nice to know we're all in this together. mjs.
Im so sorry that you are going through this atm. I had a m/c a week and a half ago and did not require a d&c. I had been bleeding and then passed a large clot. Another ultrasound was done, and there was nothing left. My first m/c, i had a d & c and was allowed to leave 6 hours after surgery.
I hope you find the answers you need to make your decision. I dont know what i would choose if i was given the choice.
Please know that we are all here for you and thinking of you and your DH.
I'm so sorry to read of the loss of your bub, mjs. I have to agree that your treatment at the clinic was pretty poor.
Have you been given any referrals to have blood tests done or a follow up ultrasound? Will you be seeing your doctor again in a week or two for a follow up appointment? If the cramping pain becomes unbearable or the bleeding gets really heavy, then you should go to emergency at your local hospital.
As for whether you should arrange to have a curette done, I'd support Flowergirl's advice about waiting for a few days to see.
I had a natural m/c last year after a scan at nearly seven weeks revealed the gestational sac was empty and ragged. It wasn't particularly painful physically. I had a D&C this year following a missed m/c discovered at nearly 12 weeks. My bub had apparently stopped growing about 7w2d. Prior to the D&C, I had agonizingly painful (to me) cramping. The obstetrician at the hospital said my cervix had been blocked.
Take care of yourself, mjs. I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of cyber hugs.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't believe that they didn't offer any counselling. I was offered it at the hospital I went to and I was only around 6 weeks when it happened. I didn't go because I didn't feel I needed it, as by then I'd already found BB and knew I'd get a lot of support here. I think if I were you I'd get the D&C done as then it would all be over and done with. Things have obviously been sitting there for about four weeks without m/c naturally so who's to say how long it could take til it happens. Take care.
I am so sorry to hear your loss mrj, it all sounds too familiar as I only had my missed miscarriage last Thursday, the fetus stopped growing at 6w2d when we had our second scan at 9 weeks ...I then had a D&C the next day, as I didn't have any bleeding or cramps at all...I am still recovering from the D&C and it seems slowly on the mend now...
Maybe talk to your doctor so at least you know your options if you are still not miscarrying naturally in a few days...
I can't believe the clinic wasn't very sensitive to deal with the situation, your poor thing had to go through that grief at this difficult time.
Sending you big hugs to you and your DH, look after yourself and try to think all the positives, I know its very hard right at this moment (which I just been through), allow yourself to get all the emotions out, cry, scream or be angry, its a phase and you will feel better afterwards...
I was devasted when a similar thing happened to me earlier this year. I did opt for the D and C because I wanted the experience over so I could grieve and start again.
On a positive note (and I know how important it is to hear good news stories after a miscarriage) I fell pregnant again 8 weeks later and this pregnancy is progressing well at nearly 19 weeks.
So sorry to hear about your loss.
The treatment and lack of support is terriblle.
I had a blighted ovum last yr at 8 weeks and had a D & C at recommendation of my ob due to the fact 8 weeks is a larger sac to pass naturally and a d & C also means you know it is all finished and you can grieve without having to go throught to much extra pain (natural msscarriage is very painful and mild analegsis post d and c is adequte) and also you do not need to go for a reperat us to see if it is complete.
I am like Sophie in that I had a m/c and then fell pregnant straight away - for me that was rthe best thing that could have happened but I know a lot people would prefer to wait. I would definately choose a d&c only because for me it meant it was over much quicker. I had the dreadful u/s in the morning and by 6.30pm it was over. I only bled for very lightly for one day and had no pain. I know it's not the same for everyone but for me it was fine. I'm very glad I didn't have to pass any clots because that would have been terrible for me.
Mjs,
So sorry for your loss. I would go for a D&C straight away - i found it much to painful to wait for a natural m/c and the doctor agreed - however like flowerchild said you go to sleep preg and wake up not and that is another issue but for me the pain was to great had pain in my back and right down both legs and no amount of painkillers seemed to work so i had a D&C 2hours after the scan. Hope you are doing a little better today but it will take time, i still have days when i get said about my losses . & to you and your DH
MJS - so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how heartbreaking it is - the same thing happened to us at 12 weeks (a few years ago, but i still remember so clearly). I hope you are taking good care of yourself matey and i hope you can find ways to make yourself feel special over the next few weeks.
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