Registered User
I understand completey - my SIL reminds me that I've had one m/c and one 'horrible experience', which was our blighted ovum. To DH and I both were babies we had lost, but we got much the same response, the whole 'but it wasnt really a baby so its not so bad' thing, drives me insane.
Hugs, I totally understand...
Registered User
My SIL told me recently that our losses (she has lost two) must have been harder than what her other SIL went through with a blighted ovum cos it was "just a bunch of cells" - for 13 weeks, until that blighted ovum was discovered her SIL was pregnant, and she went through hell when she realised what had happened. needless to say, i very nicely, but VERY firmly told my SIL she was wrong, that a loss is a loss, and that there is no comparison cos the pain is identical...
Registered User
Tina, I am so sorry you have had to deal with such gross insensitivity. Why people try to reason or rationalise our losses has never made any sense to me. She had no right to compare your loss to anyone else's. For 9 weeks you made plans and loved your baby and that is all that matters. I believe a baby is a baby no matter what form or age they make it to, so please know that not everyone feels the same way as your 'friend'. Next time, just put people like that in their place!
Registered User
Hey tina--You can just tell your "friend" that she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about! Just like with any other pg'cy, the fertilized egg implants into the uterus, the placenta develops, and your body secretes the hcg hormone! I just read a quote that said, "The body has reacted to the existence of a fertilized egg, the mother was absolutely pregnant--however brief--there was a pregnancy". My first m/c, back in '95 was a blighted ovum, and I thought I was 3 mo's along when I found out my baby stopped developing--I found this to be much harder to deal with than the 2 early m/c's that came afterwards. Don't let anyone take away from you the way you felt about your baby and your pg'cy! You have every right to grieve your loss the way a woman would grieve if she lost her baby in her second or third trimester! You should tell your "friend" to do her research before she opens her mouth and says things that make her look stupid! Big, big hugs to you, tina!
Registered User
Tina, when I lost my angel my ob was unable to tell me whether it was a blighted ovum or a silent/missed miscarriage. It didn't make a difference to me and I grieved for my baby. But I have also found that people don't seem to understand what a blighted ovum is. Other people in this thread have highlighted the fact that some people seem to think it's "just a bunch of cells", but those cells contain the entire genetic makeup of a person! So no matter when the baby stopped developing, in my mind it is most definitely a baby.
It's kind of sad that I stopped even referring to the experience as a possible blighted ovum and just call it a misscarriage now so that people will understand. I wish there was more awareness out there, because I'm sure more awareness would create more compassion.
Our angels are always in our thoughts :hugs:
Registered User
jen and krystie, thanks you guys...you brought tears to my eyes..thank you for understanding...its so hard when people dont know what they are talking about , but talk anyway
Registered User
your loss is real and as valid as anyone's.
It seems that people say horrible insentive things regardless of what kind of loss you have had... either out of some misguided attempt to console you or purely because they don't understand what you're going through. Remember that unless they have experienced loss they can't understand it, so try and ignore the comments maybe? Easier said than done I know!
love Rozzie
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks