blighted ovum misunderstanding

[tina_k]

im wondering whether any of you who have had blighted ovums have had similar situations?
i feel that other people dont understand that it is as much a miscarriage as any other. I had a friend tell me the other day about a fiend of hers who had a miscarriage, and was due around the same time as mine was. I said that our stories were very similar, and she said to me "but hers was an actual baby that was developing that died, so hers is so much worse". this really broke my heart, as i feel that my miscarriage was just a "bad" and emotional distressing as any other. I really wish that people were more understanding...

[[M]umma[M]ia]

i have never had one but I agree ALL misscarriages are the same. doesnt matter if its a blighted ovum, 9 weeks preg or 23 weeks preg....alllll the same... and im so sorry for your loss.

[butterfly_warrior]

It doesn't matter that in reality a baby never formed. In your heart and mind it was there... and it's just as much a loss as any other miscarriage. The reality in your heart and soul is so very different to the physical reality, and nothing can ever change the fact that for you it is a devestating loss.

I am so sorry that you have gone through this, and so sorry that you have insensitive friends that don't get it.

BW

[feeb]

Ohh thats horrible so sorry you have been throught that and so sorry your friend was so rude!!

I have had a blighted ovum and no matter what it is a loss of pregnancy, you thought u were preg the bloods and wee tests confirm that but ultrasound shows other things.

Huge hugs and hope you get a happy and healthy preg very soon!

xoxoox

[AJC]

tina - that was really rude and insensitive of her. I've had 2 x m/c one was a blighted ovum and I grieved for both pg loss just the same. Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut - obviously she's lucky enough not to have gone through it herself so she has no idea!

[Inanna]

I am so sorry Tina for the loss of your little one...

A blighted ovum starts out life just like any other baby but then fails to multiply at a cellular level. Your little one in your heart was your baby - and it was..

When we wee on that stick and get a positive a whole gamut of plans and dreams come to us. We build up a life around those two little lines on a stick.

The grief when that baby dies or doesn't grow affects us all differently. For most of us it is devastating and painful.

I am so sorry that those around you have been so insensitive to that pain. Sending you lots of love.

[aussienic]

My first mc was a blighted ovum.. It hurt when people would say well it was just a bunch of cells at least it wasn't a real baby

To us it was a real baby..Regardless

[Tobily]

I've got news for your friend - I miscarried a developing baby at 10 weeks and I've also had a blighted ovum.
Both of those miscarriages were equally devastating and traumatic...
It's hard not to listen when people say stupid things like that out of nothing but sheer ignorance

[Evie76]

Tina. I had a blighted ovum too. Your heart doesn't discriminate. You were pg and looking forward to having someone in your life. It is a loss that your heart still has to deal with - no matter what your head (or other extremely insensitive people) may say.

My heart still feels the loss and so will yours. There is nothing wrong with that.

[bec83]

I understand completey - my SIL reminds me that I've had one m/c and one 'horrible experience', which was our blighted ovum. To DH and I both were babies we had lost, but we got much the same response, the whole 'but it wasnt really a baby so its not so bad' thing, drives me insane.
Hugs, I totally understand...

[briggsy's girl]

My SIL told me recently that our losses (she has lost two) must have been harder than what her other SIL went through with a blighted ovum cos it was "just a bunch of cells" - for 13 weeks, until that blighted ovum was discovered her SIL was pregnant, and she went through hell when she realised what had happened. needless to say, i very nicely, but VERY firmly told my SIL she was wrong, that a loss is a loss, and that there is no comparison cos the pain is identical...

[Katiegirl]

Tina, I am so sorry you have had to deal with such gross insensitivity. Why people try to reason or rationalise our losses has never made any sense to me. She had no right to compare your loss to anyone else's. For 9 weeks you made plans and loved your baby and that is all that matters. I believe a baby is a baby no matter what form or age they make it to, so please know that not everyone feels the same way as your 'friend'. Next time, just put people like that in their place!

[jen805]

Hey tina--You can just tell your "friend" that she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about! Just like with any other pg'cy, the fertilized egg implants into the uterus, the placenta develops, and your body secretes the hcg hormone! I just read a quote that said, "The body has reacted to the existence of a fertilized egg, the mother was absolutely pregnant--however brief--there was a pregnancy". My first m/c, back in '95 was a blighted ovum, and I thought I was 3 mo's along when I found out my baby stopped developing--I found this to be much harder to deal with than the 2 early m/c's that came afterwards. Don't let anyone take away from you the way you felt about your baby and your pg'cy! You have every right to grieve your loss the way a woman would grieve if she lost her baby in her second or third trimester! You should tell your "friend" to do her research before she opens her mouth and says things that make her look stupid! Big, big hugs to you, tina!

[~ Mylitta ~]

Tina, when I lost my angel my ob was unable to tell me whether it was a blighted ovum or a silent/missed miscarriage. It didn't make a difference to me and I grieved for my baby. But I have also found that people don't seem to understand what a blighted ovum is. Other people in this thread have highlighted the fact that some people seem to think it's "just a bunch of cells", but those cells contain the entire genetic makeup of a person! So no matter when the baby stopped developing, in my mind it is most definitely a baby.

It's kind of sad that I stopped even referring to the experience as a possible blighted ovum and just call it a misscarriage now so that people will understand. I wish there was more awareness out there, because I'm sure more awareness would create more compassion.

Our angels are always in our thoughts :hugs:

[tina_k]

jen and krystie, thanks you guys...you brought tears to my eyes..thank you for understanding...its so hard when people dont know what they are talking about , but talk anyway

[Rozzie27]

your loss is real and as valid as anyone's.

It seems that people say horrible insentive things regardless of what kind of loss you have had... either out of some misguided attempt to console you or purely because they don't understand what you're going through. Remember that unless they have experienced loss they can't understand it, so try and ignore the comments maybe? Easier said than done I know!

love Rozzie

[benzjewlz]

hi tina i can understand how you feel i had a blighted ovum at 12weeks i was so excited to be pregnant and did all the right things so that my baby would grow up healthy,and when i found out i had lost my baby i was depressed and everyone around me including my own mother said that it wasnt a real baby just unformed cells...when i heard this it broke my heart,i still think about how life would be if i didnt have a blighted ovum and wish there was no such thing.you are a very strong person for not biting your friends head off and i will give you a tonne of credit for that...keep continuing to be strong.we will be with our lost ones one day