I've been there. It's really hard. After my 1st m/c (and then subsequent infertility) I found Xmas extrememely difficult due to the focus on children. If you really don't feel like facing these gatherings then don't. Tough luck if people don't understand. I know from experience that many people just don't understand how difficult life can be after a loss (as it is absolutely impossible for those who have not suffered it to comprehend) and can be quite insensitive to your feelings. I actually found that family gatherings weren't too bad as long as there were no pregnant women or newborns there. My biggest problem (which I still had up until last year or the year before) was shopping centres. I used to avoid them like the plague at this time of year. If I did go and saw kids lining up for santa I would cry right there and then and if I saw a newborn or a pregnant belly I'd be off as well.

You just need to make sure whatever you do you take care of yourself. People can't get too offended if you say you need to have a quiet Xmas due to your difficult year. If they do get offended they will eventually get over it. I hope you get through the season without too many tears.