Thanks for the support ladies. It's a hell of a tough spot to be in, but right now I am having a good moment. I can't vouch what I'll be like in 10 minutes time, but right now I'm doing just OK. Still very empty, but so far no tears....

I have purchased a memory charm that is a small gold heart with tiny footprints on it. They were also having a special, so I got LOVE engraved on the back. It's what our son says to us 'love mummy' 'love daddy'. So now it means even more to us than the traditional meaning. I will wear it on my necklace, right next to my heart.

I was listening to the radio the other day and they were advertising the latest lottery - $19M it was. Something along the lines of 'tell us your $19M dream'. I didn't hesitate - I would gladly give up every cent to have our baby back.

I can't help toying with the idea of ttc straight away - please tell me I'm not being insensitive? I just really need to feel happy again and right now this is the only way that I think I can do that.

There are no medical reasons why we can't - heck, even the OB (who is just fantastic and a bit of a joker) bet my hubby we would be back in hospital before the end of the year delivering a healthy bub

I got out the ultrasounds today - silly, silly thing to do! Especially when you get to the one that says 'no feotal heartbeat'. Christ, that just brought it all home and with avengeance.