Thank you all, and I am still crying myself to sleep at night, during the day I bottle it up. I just got the house decorated, but just don't "feel" like I want to celebrate the season.

Aneirin is a bugger though, all the lil one wants, is to be fed and sleep, which is perfectly fine by me. He sleeps 6 hours through the night, which I was told to just let him as he is growing and he has been doing this while he was in the hospital, so I am not to worry. Other than that, I am a mom for Christmas, just didn't think it would be the way it turned out.