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Thread: Here I go..

  1. #1

    Default Here I go..

    I came here shortly after I lost Angelo as I was in a fog...

    On Sept 25, 07 I gave birth to Angelo, Ayone and Aneirin, perfect babies, just tiny.

    Angelo's delivery was traumatic, and he was not breathing on his own, they found he also had PDA and it wasn't closing so they had to go in to repair it. On Oct. 2, they went in to fix the blood vessel and he never came out. He was with me for a week and the one thing that haunts me to this day is I never once heard him cry, he was on a ventillator the whole time.



    I went through the motions, had his service and continued with my vigil at the hospital with is sister and brother.

    Ayone (pronounced Ay oh neh) was doing great, other than the lil things, we were getting by. She ended up with NEC, and the infection that ensued was to much for her lil body to handle and she became my angel Oct. 29.

    I miss them sooo much yet I still have Aneirin, and don't know what to feel... I never know if I'm supposed to be grateful I still have him or let loose and cry for days for my angels. Everyone tells me take one day at a time. Okay I'm doing that, when will it get better...

    On an up note, Aneirin comes home in 6 days, and time to get ready for class so he can come home.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
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    oh, Polymnia, i am so sorry for your loss of Angelo and Ayone. what pain for you to lose two precious children. of course you should cry for them. they are your children as much as Aneirin. love and be joyful for Aneirin, because he is a loving, precious gift, but also allow yourself to grieve for your two lost babies. you are right, a day at a time is the best you can do, and sometimes hour by hour. be good to yourself, it will take so much of your strength to care for Aneirin and to grieve for Angelo and Ayone too. allow yourself to feel what emotions take you, and let them go through you as they will. it takes time, and a lot of it, to wade through the grief. it took me 4 months before i thought i would ever smile or laugh or have a good day. now i have some, and still some horrible ones. i hope you can find some support in your family and friends, here on bb, and perhaps a support group or counseling nearby? i'm sending you big hugs, and know that Angelo and Ayone are watching over you and are a part of everything you do. they love their brother Aneirin, and their mommy too. xxoom

    ps i'm sending good hopes for Aneirin's coming home to you.

  3. #3

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    Polymnia, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious angels Angelo and Ayone Yes you can cry and scream and do whatever you need to do to mourn the loss of your precious angels. I cried for months after Cooper grew his wings and there are times where I will cry for weeks. Grieving is such an emotional rollercoaster and you just need to do what is best for you. Surround yourself with supportive and caring people. It is such a long journey ahead, one of grieving, the 'what ifs', the pain, the anger. You just need to take one day at a time, one hour at a time and I'm not sure it ever gets 'better'. The pain never goes away, you just learn to live with the pain.

    Aneirin. your strong little fighter will help you through these painful times. While it will be so incredibly hard the day you bring him home, cherish it.

    Take care, thinking of you

  4. #4

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    polymnia- To you and your Angels Angelo and Anyone. I can only imagine how hard it has been for you these last few months.
    I wish Aneirin a happy home coming.

    I have a friend who is the surving boy of triplets. His mum struggled for a long time- her first born son Gordon was still born, and she was asked to make a choice in the survival of her other two sons, Brendan and John, she asked the dr's to try to save both- and they did- sadly John passed away a few weeks later and my friend Brendan is now her only living son. I didnt know her then but i know that she still thinks of her boys- and my friend says he feels them around him- and they will never be forgotten.

    I think its important for you to grieve for your children- and on the days you feel sad- cry, let it all out. And hold little Aneirin tight, shower him with enough love for all of them!! Talk to him and tell him about his brother and sister and how special the are.

    You will be filled with alot of emotions right now- there is no easy or right or wrong way to handle what you are going through- my advice is to just feel what you feel- and cry hard when you need to.

    Take care
    Love Kat

  5. #5

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    wow i am sitting here crying so hard for you , it is so sad to have lost 2 little ones.sending you a big hug.

  6. #6

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    Polymnia
    My heart goes out to you... You will need to grieve for little Angelo and Ayone. Don't bottle it all up as it helps to let it all out. (I used to go to bed and cry so no one would see me cry).
    Hope to hear that little Aneirin is home soon.
    Take care
    Chris

  7. #7

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    Oh I am so sorry to hear what you have been through - you are in my thoughts Aneirin is with you and will give you the strength you need, however that does not mean you cannot grieve the death of your other two babies and dont let anyone make you feel that should be the case.

    Take care of yourself :hugs:

  8. #8

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    Dear polymnia, I'm sending you a big hug, I hope your days get brighter as you get to know your precious little one. All the best.

  9. #9

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    Thank you all, and I am still crying myself to sleep at night, during the day I bottle it up. I just got the house decorated, but just don't "feel" like I want to celebrate the season.

    Aneirin is a bugger though, all the lil one wants, is to be fed and sleep, which is perfectly fine by me. He sleeps 6 hours through the night, which I was told to just let him as he is growing and he has been doing this while he was in the hospital, so I am not to worry. Other than that, I am a mom for Christmas, just didn't think it would be the way it turned out.

  10. #10

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    Oh Honey what you have been through is so trumatic my heart goes out to you sending you big loosing 2 angels is just so hard to deal with the emotions will run wild for a vey long time and it is something you will never get over i really hope that as time goes on that the pain of loosing your angels will ease be kind to yourself and please just let yourself cry when you need to its normal and healthy to do so my thoughts are with you.

    Take care

    Munchy xxx

  11. #11

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    :hugs:

  12. #12

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    Grieving with you over the loss of Angelo and Ayone and keeping you in my prayers.
    You may want to check out support groups for parents who have lost one or more out of multiples--they would really understand how you feel. Especially because it must seem that all your emotions are out of whack. On the one hand your grieve your angelbabies, but you also have the joy of having and seeing Aneirin growing bigger and stronger. Sending you a big cyberhug and please understand when I send you congrats on your Aneirin.

  13. #13

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    My heart is breaking for you, how horrible. Dont feel guilty at all, allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to cry.

    And maybe a counsellor could help. Mine has helped me

    big hugs

  14. #14

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    im so sorry of your loss of baby Angelo & Ayone.
    No one can take the pain away and hopefully time will heal but you do need to geive for them.
    i agree that a councellor may be a good idea.
    I hope Aneirin is well since coming home.

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