its been 3 months and i still cry

[kelli07]

it helps a lot to know that there are other people going through the same thing i am. the only person i know that has lost a baby is the woman i work with and i cant even stand looking at her let alone talk to her. at work when we sit in the break room everyone avoids talking about her being pregnant. at times ill walk into a room and it will go silent and i know why they arent talking anymore and it makes me so mad but then at other times i walk into the room and other co workers are rubbing her belly and dont stop when they see me and that too makes me so mad. i cant go to my friends house because i cant look at her 1 year old without getting upset. i never wanted to get pregnant but now that im not thats all i think about which i know is the wrong way to deal but i cant help it. its been 3 months and im still down and depressed.

[Kitt3n]

Kell, honey, i am so sorry to hear that you are struggling - its so much worse when no-one understands!

I know that with my second MC i would still be breaking down constntly (hey, i have ups and downs - some weeks i am so depressed, and some i gt kinda excited about looking toward the future) but i would not be strong enought o get through it if i didnt have counselling. So i really, really suggest you look into it - it helped me soooo much.

Big hugs, try to keep yourself strong for the sake of that body of yours that wil one day carry a beautiful baby into life!

[kelli07]

its hard because i feel guilty for even getting pregnant at 18 and unwed and i feel terrible because everyone around me has made me feel like i committed one of the biggest sins possible (my families exstremely religious), i feel guily for getting pregnant on accident at a young age when there are so many older women that are married with stable lives that are unable to conceive, then i feel relieved that i can finish college easier now, and i feel guilty for thinking that way. then im angry that as soon as i was starting to adjust to the fact that i was pregnant it was all taken away. im making myself worse by thinking about the one night i drank before i knew i was pregnant, all the cigarette smoke i was around before i knew, and all the stress i was under during. then im sad because i lost my baby. and im mad that i have to look at a coworker everyday with a constantly growing belly. then im depressed and feel like im alone. im also mad at myself for not being as strong as i should right now. on the other hand im happy i know my boyfriend and i both have the ability to make a baby (infertility is a big problem on one side of my family)...then im mad that it feels too surreal to even be true that i was pregnant three months ago. and now i feel like im insane for having all these feelings all at once....

[tina_k]

kellie,
its perfectly normal to be going through a whole different range of emotions at this time. I found out i was pg in October, and mc'd in december, so im at the same place as you are. I still cry most days. Especially when im around other pg people. My SIL announced she was pg just 2 days after my d&C, and she is 2 weeks behind where i would have been, so i have a very hard time thinking about her or being around her.
I have found that coming here and venting has been so very helpful.
Im so sorry that your family have not been very supportive, but the girls on here are all wonderful, so please use this as much as you need to.
when you do fall pg again, ti will be extra special..thats what i tell myself!

[Angel Babies 3]

kellio7,
Don't be afraid to cry. It's been 8 years since I lost my prcious girls and I still cry sometimes. It does get easier but it doesn't ever go away.

Big hugs to you,
Debbie

[munchy]

Kell honey sending you big i am so sorry to hear what you are going through honey i feally feel for you i no its hard but try to stop blaming yourself you have done nothing wrong so you made a mistake everyone does in there lifetime i fell pregnant at 18 and had him at 19 and i wasnt married we all make mistakes but try not to punnish yourself for it it makes us who we are we are only human. i totaly understand how your feeling grieving for your baby is a long process and everyone is different and from the moment you are pregnant you have that special bond with your baby it grew inside you for all those weeks and you shared that together so dont let anyone tell you any different you have all these hopes and dreams and then suddenly its all taken away i lost my little girl at 23 wks and have just had a m/c 3 wks ago i was ment to be 10 wks but babys heart stopped at 7 and a half and some days i am fine and others i am a total wreck my sister is pregnant and our due dates were only 2 days apart and i am so happy that her pregnancy is going well but its so hard to hear her talk about it knowing that should be me and the feeling of guilt can be so overwhelming and the whys and what if's it is so hard and this site is good to say how you feel i have started trying again as all i want is a healthy baby but give yourself time to grieve and 3 months is not a long time at all just let of steam cry screem do whatever feels right for you take care honey always hear to talk and please be easy on yourself.

munchy xxx

[kelli07]

thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me. its been really hard to sit and think about the miscarriage all the time and never talk about it to anyone. talking to all the women on here is the first time ive actually talked about the way im feeling about all of this. as i said in a previous post, im not married. my boyfriend and i have lived together for about 9 months now and weve been together for almost 2 years. somedays he tells me he wants to try again right now and he really wants a baby and somedays he says never again, then on all the other days he says we should wait and get me through college first. its the source of a lot of fights because on the days he wants to try again right now i want to wait and the days he wants to wait i want to try right now. hes really the only person i even talk about the miscarriage with and he doesnt like to very much because hes a typical man and doesnt want to talk about emotions...

[jen805]

Hey Kelli07--Just wanted you to know that I know your pain, as I'm going through the same thing right now. I m/c on Mar. 5 (the day before my b-day). I was supposed to be 13 weeks, but baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I have a son that will be 7 in April and I work at his school as a noon aide at lunch time 3 days a week. Most of the kids had known I was pregnant, and would ask me daily if I knew what I was going to be having. All the teachers and parents would ask me daily how I was feeling. My son missed 3 days of school after my m/c because he was scared someone would ask him about "his baby" and he didn't want to cry. I had to send a note to his teacher asking her to explain what happened to the kids and to please not ask my son anything about it. I also sent a note to the office asking them to pass the word along to the other noon aides, so that I wouldn't have to. I still haven't seen them since they found out, and am dreading going back after Spring break. Up until last week there were still people that didn't know, asking me when I was due and how I was feeling. Those are the worst times, and so awkward because you know they feel bad for asking. Two of my son's fellow classmate's moms are also pregnant, and look to be due around the same time I was. I hate seeing their bellies getting bigger when mine's not! Sunday was hard for me because I was supposed to be 4 mo's along, and all I can think of is that I still WANT to be pregnant. I want to have morning sickness, and have my clothes get too tight, and my bigger boobs! I feel like it's not fair that I can't have those things. Then I feel like I'm being selfish...yet at the same time I can't keep all these thoughts out of my head!
Thanks for sharing your story. No matter what your age, married or not, this is the hardest thing to deal with. Don't let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't be feeling the way that you are. Nobody can put a time frame on getting over grief. I pray that you find peace and comfort, if not from your friends and family, then from us here at BB!