Reading your story brought tears to my eyes- as sooo much of it rang true to my own story of my Angel daughter Zahra- even our husbands name are the same!!
I lost Zahra due to a placental abruption- the same way you lost Freddy- and i do understand how sharing a loss like that can bring you and your husband closer together- it did the same for us. And as Flower Child said- that is my "pearl"- the small good thing to come from my sadness and loss.
I also tried to hold on to those little memories of her living in my belly- she liked to kick alot too (loved sports.. she went crazy when i watched the footy)- and i am sure that Freddy was excited when he heard that his Daddy was home- hold onto those memories- they are real.
You mentioned that your families are both going through rough times at the moment and you want to be strong for them... it is important for you to be true to your feelings- and even be a bit selfish right now... dont sweep your feelings and sadness under the carpet for anyone, your families should appriciate that right now YOU and Shane are going through an extreamly hard time and that YOU need THEIR support right now- as you have just lost a very precious child- off hand i can not think of much else that could be more "rough" than that... Freddy is your child and its important that you all grieve for him.
Dont put pressure on yourself to go back to work- and if you feel like your going nutty- mate- you have found the best place to come by joining this forum- sadly there are ALOT of women here who are mothers to angels who will be here for you to support you through this- i know myself that Belly belly and the ladies here were my life line after my losses and having people to talk to who had experienced loss themselves did wonders for my frame of mind and my recovery. I talked and talked and read and other peoples stories and just knowing that these feelings of sorrow and especially the emptiness i felt were "normal" and that i was not alone for some reason made it all easier to cope with.
I also understand your need to try again- and yes some people may be negative about it- but its not for them to say- my sister said to me that she didnt think i was "ready" to try again because i was still grieving- but she had two healthy children in her arms and couldnt comprehend that i NEEDED to get pregnant again to help ease some of that pain. And i did get pregnant again- and 12 weeks ago i gave birth to Shane Jnr- dont loose hope- here is a link to my TTC (trying to concieve) thread if yo would like to read it- it is a run down of my history and my journey of concieving Shane... and it has a very happy ending. https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...c-journal.html
I am so sorry that Freddy grew his angel wings- my heart goes out to you and Shane and wish you some bright moments in the coming days and weeks and months.
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