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Thread: Need advice about gravesite plaque

  1. #1

    Join Date
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    Exclamation Need advice about gravesite plaque

    My husband and I are having trouble making a decision and was hoping to get some advice from all of you:
    We are finalising our little Emily's gravesite plaque and don't know which date to put on it?
    We know that she died on the 11th of October inside me, but she wasn't born until the 14th of October after being induced. We don't know which of these two dates to put on there? The day she died? Or the day she was born and when we got to hold her and spend time with her?
    I suppose typically you visit a grave on the day of their death? But the 14th does have more meaning for us...
    If you have had a similar dilema or if you could give us some advice on what you think, please let me know.
    Thanks so much!
    PS We are starting to feel a bit better, even though I still feel sad every day. I am trying to look at the positive things that Emily brought into our lives with her short existence. We still miss her so much. Thanks again for all your support on the site.


  2. #2

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    Im so sorry for your loss I would say the 14th

  3. #3

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    Personally i would put the 14th cause that is the more meaningful date to you. It is such a difficult decision to make, I am so sorry for your loss.
    Last edited by mrsmac; November 19th, 2007 at 08:10 PM.

  4. #4

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    Doza: Big :hugs: I know how difficult these type of decisions are. We had a similar decision to make regarding my first DS urn. We decided to put the day he was born, not the day he passed. I know it is a very tough decision to make, but it sounds like the 14th might be the day if it has more meaning.

    Take care
    Spring

  5. #5

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    i would put it as the 14th - that is the date that will hold the most significance for you - and is also the date that i guess would technically be classified as her DOB on official paperwork

    huge hugs to you - this must be a very difficult situation

  6. #6

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    Hi Doza,

    I am really glad to hear you and your hubby are trying to see the positive, although it is really hard to do sometimes. You will always miss Emily, and she will always be part of you.

    About her gravesite, I guess its personal preference. But we know Nicholas died on Sunday 3rd September but we say he was born sleeping on Tuesday 5th September. I guess to us he was still alive inside me until that time, and we still had hope that the drs were wrong right up until the second he was born - crazy I know! Technically Emily was born on the 14th October, and I guess she was still with you until that time.

    Big :hugs: for you.

    Mel

  7. #7

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    Doza, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious angel Emily. Cooper died before he was born but we use the date he was born, 28 November 2006. Although difficult it is good that you are trying to see the positive things that Emily brought to your life......................this is what will help you through. Big hugs

  8. #8
    slyder Guest

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    Doza, I also think the 14th, particularly as it has more significance to you both. Just go with whatever your gut tells you.

  9. #9

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    Doza, i am so sorry for your loss of Emily. your plaque sounds like a wonderful remembrance of a beautiful little angel. as everyone else has said, there is no wrong choice -- it is whatever feels right to you and your dh. we choose to remember our son Yeti on the day he was born rather than the day he died. i had the joy of holding him close within my body for those precious days, and as you said, after the birth we got to hold onto him for a few precious hours. that is the day i think of as his birthday and the day i said goodbye. big hugs to you and your dh as you tread down this difficult path. m

  10. #10
    paradise lost Guest

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    I would put the date you feel is most significant to you. Depending on the wording/layout, you could passibly have something like "born sleeping, October 14th", if you'd rather not put a date you know is "wrong" for when she actually passed on.

    I'm so sorry you're having to even think of these things.

    Bx

  11. #11

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    Doza, as the other ladies have said there is no right or wrong answer, just go with the day that holds more significance. I think you'll know in your heart the answer. We had the same dilemma, however we were unaware when Phoebe passed away, we found out on the 14th of Feb that she had passed but gave birth to her on the 17th, which is the date she came into our world and the date we put on her gravestone. I also just wanted to say that I hope last Tuesday night helped you, even if it was just a little.

  12. #12

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    Doza
    Have you thought of :
    Died on 11 October 2007, born sleeping on 14 October 2007.
    Then both dates are used. It is a hard decision to make. My heart goes out to you and your DH.
    Take care
    Chris

  13. #13

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    I would use the 14th as well. I'm sorry for your loss.

  14. #14

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    When I lost Storm, the dr's were not sure when she had passed away but she came into this world on the 11th January so that is the date we use, the day she was 'born'

  15. #15

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself lots of time to heal and be very good to yourself right now.
    Really, the only right answer is the one that feels right to you. If the 14 is more meaningful, then go with that.
    I always commemorate my miscarriages on the day I actually passed them. Even though they died earlier.

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