I wish my husband knew the magic words that would take away my pain.

I have wanted a third child ever since my son was born four years ago. My husband was never keen on the idea until recently, I had to have my IUD surgically removed late last year, which was my first TTC shocker.

I am/was 7 weeks pregnant now. Everything seemed perfect, I conceived first try, most likely on Xmas day. Last Saturday, the most unthinkable horror happened - I started to bleed. I have been bleeding on and off all week. My hcg has gone up, and I had an ultrasound that showed my baby's hear was beating on Monday. My gynae was fairly positive when we spoke to him last. This evening I started passing the tiniest little pieces of grey tissue, which I assume to be part of my baby. I think this one is not going to work out.

I can't eat or sleep, and all I can do is think about my baby dying inside of me. I have turned into a demon mother, screaming all day and picking on the children constatntly. I am just so exhausted, I just want this to be over so that I can grieve and start trying for another child.

I never thought this would happen to me, and my family's 'support' has been so clinical. I don't give a damn about nature's way, or how early it is - this is my BABY I am losing.

I will always be this child's mother in my heart, and I know I will always think of this little one that couldn't be with me. I have chosen a unisex name, nothing too fancy, just right for someone who will never be bigger than a bean. I am going to have a tattoo for this little one, a permanent reminder on my body of the child that couldn't be with me.

Thank you for reading my story.