Oh, my big thanks to eveyone of you, lovely ladies here. I admire everyone of your's strength and wish you a smooth road on your grief journeys.
I am feeling a bit better today, I just started panicking, because I thought I was gonna go through the whole grieving process again, and for a moment I thought that it will be going in circles all my life , but I guess this is what has been given to me, regardless whether I wanted it or not (and the rest of the ladies here) and this is what we have to live with.

I spoke to my (ex)boyfriend yesterday to tell him how I was feeling, he first got really defensive and said that just because I'm suffering myself, I shouldn't make him suffer, therefore, he doesn't want to be reminded of the anniversaries, etc... He said he doesn't want to be reminded of the past, especially of the "unpleasant" things like that, and he suggests I stop living in my past either. Tried explaining that when a woman loses a child regardless of age or gestation, she also loses some part of herself, which she will carry with her into the future as well, but couldn't get through. I guess we both are entitled to our own opinions that we feel strongly about.

I am thinking of considering councelling finally (never wanted before). I don't mind living with a sense of grief from time to time, but I want to stop making myself and everyone around me miserable. Has councelling really made a difference for you, ladies?