Oh Maz, massive *hugs* honey.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Christy is right... we really all do have moments like this. I have lost it at Aidyn before in a similar way.
Its really really trying when your threshhold is constantly pushed like this... its so understandable that you couldn't cope with it for a moment there. Its just a horrible place to be in. We know you are doing your best babe, you are a fabulous mother!!!
I hope things are a little bit better for this evening... if not, I hope things calm down soon.
Huge massive hugs to you.