Aspergers/Autism/Sensory Integration Chatter

[christy]

Welcome MBP Mum its hard to hear that about your child. Matilda didn't cope at all in a day care situation, but in family day care went really well.

Maz... WT??? How disgusting!! They should be fired for that! URGH! That makes me so angry. Mummy you are an amazing woman. I know that fight with Wilhelm has hurt you so much, and you lashed out. But you know at that moment he may have hated you, but he doesn't all the time. He loves you. OKay? Please don't beat yourself up for it

I have a story for you... we were doing some of out "floortime" that the silly paed told us to do. Where its one on one with Matilda & me. No TV, computers, other people, etc etc etc. So we were sitting and Matilda started saying "Mummy, are you ever going to have someone take me away? Do you not want me anymore? Sometimes, do you not want me to live here?" I nearly lost it, but I stayed together & said "Matilda, I love you so much. Sometimes I get frustrated with you and angry with things, but I don't ever want someone to take you away from me or you to not live with me until you are much older." Then I sat down with tears streaming down my face while she kept playing. I've said those words in anger to her... maybe 6-12 months ago, but I did. And I never resolved it. I was so angry I told her I was going to call someone to take her away because I couldn't do it anymore. She would have to live somewhere else. God I felt like utter crap.

But the thing is, this is a way we can teach our kids about speaking out in anger, and how people get frustrated, and how we should have handled it better than we did.

Anyway....

[MBP_Mum]

Welcome MBP Mum its hard to hear that about your child. Matilda didn't cope at all in a day care situation, but in family day care went really well

Thank you. The director at Day care suggeted he may do better in family day care. She said she will look into it for me.

[NickyC]

Hi All. I am a newcomer to this site. I will first say that for the first hour I have spent shedding tears that I have held back for so long. I felt so intune with everything written here ... all your experiences are simillar in some way to mine and for once I dont feel alone. I dont feel like I am the only one facing the battle of having a son diagonsed with possibly aspergers. The paed wont give us a definate diagnosis as he thinks he may be borderline.

For many years I blamed myself ... maybe I created this ... If I had of been a better mum he may have been different. Its only through reading your stories I have realised I did the best I could given what I had.

My son Oscar is now 5 years old and has started prep. A month in now and I am starting to feel the crunch. He is such a loving and gentle child, very bright but struggles socially. His speech is delayed and after speaking to his teacher his motor skills arent that sharp either. But he can read already and loves mathematical things.

I watch him at school and its heart wrenching. You can see he wants friends but has no clue as to how to make them. He really tries he does ... its when you see that disappointment and that sadness in his gorgeous face you break into a million pieces. It takes everything in me to keep it together.

I dont know what to do really everyday is a struggle. He has his obsessions which can go on forever and loves routines. If only life could be so planned he would never falter.

Just want to say thank God that you are all here. I feel at home for a change ... there are people out there that know what I am going through. I have had a challenging week and crying and reading this forum has done the world of good.

You all are fabulous parents.

[~Saram~]

Christy - I'm so sorry you have had to put your job on hold! We are doing the same thing this year and to be honest it was driving me nuts but I'm getting a handle on it. The time will come when we can get back to where we want to be! Maz is right it is still important to do things for ourselves. As for your moment with Matilda, Xander says the same thing about being taken away or being "out of our family" and yet we haven't (that I can remember) mentioned something along these lines. Is it possible that rather being drawn on what you have said it's a common fear they share?

Maz - what you said about how much you change the way we do things to accommodate them is so true, I didn't even know I was doing it until Ds was diagnoised last year and DH and I were at each others throats all the time over routine issues DH refused to comply with. I have to say Xanny's dx was the best thing for our marriage in a long time! Now we work together on helping Xan cope and giving each other Xanny free time.

I am so sorry you have had such a crap start to the year. Wish there was more I could do for you.

MBP - welcome! keep a diary of all the behaviours etc you are noticing and are concerned about so when you get to your ped you are armed and prepared. Hope it all goes well and that you can find a daycare solution. We were very blessed in that our man took to daycare like a duck to water, they were a privately run centre and had a very good routine so Xander thrived. Perhaps rather then looking for a new place they could make some changes to their environment and routine to help him relax. Things like have a labeled drink bottle for him. Allow him to have a time out space. Use visual cueing systems and a visual routine/schdule for him to follow?

Nicky C - Welcome, I'm so pleased you are feeling at home, it's great to find people that understand where you are coming from isn';t it. Look forward to sharing the jurney with you.

[MBP_Mum]

Saram ~ Thank you for your relpy and ideas. I will start writting things down to take with me, Kindy have started a behavioural book for him. Good points and bad points he has done through out the day. He is only going 1/2 days at the moment as he can't handle being there all day. (Or they can't handle him)

Christy ~ Thank you for your reply also. I'll let you know how the family daycare thing goes, he don't handle change to well, so it will be intresting if we can get into one.

Have a wonderful day everyone

[christy]

MBP_mum - yeah change is painful....

Nicky- Welcome! yep... I went for years being told that I was a bad parent... so its lovely to come somewhere that people understand experiences and feelings associated with parenting these super kids.

Honestly though.... sometimes I don't feel like they are super....

Matilda has had a high temp for almost 24 hours now and is relatively normal! Strange... No signs of sickness, just the high temp. She fell asleep on the lounge and *whammo* wee'd all over... litres of wee! She woke up and had wee in her hair so I hope the smell comes out. I put her in the shower and ran around like a chook trying to get the seat covers in the wash and the cushions on the line to air out. Too bad it went through the cushions onto the base... which is totally saturated. Worse is, she's totally humiliated and embarrased about it. Poor thing.

[MBP_Mum]

He had a great day at kindy today. They one put him in time out once today. He even looked happier than usually when i picked him up, in his kindy class there is only 10 kids. So i think it is easier for him to cope with. I think to myself i just can't wait to get to the pead appointment, if he isn't diagnosed with anything that awesome, but if he is there is help out there for him/us.

Here are a few signs that had got me thinking why he needs to see a pead.

He has these small bakugan balls and cards they have to been in his pocket all the time, if he loses one all hell breaks loose, he will search for hours crying and distraught, he will wear himself out to the point where he falls asleep, he will then wake up looking for them.(no matter how long he slept for)
I changed his pillow case to a new colour, it was the wrong thing to do.
He has to wears shorts with pockets.
He won't share his food, his drink bottle is his.
When they have a specail treat we go to hungry jacks, and has a happy meal he is used to the yellow box the meal comes in, this day he didn't get a yellow box as they didn't have any, so it was put into a bag. Worst thing ever, he was so distraught that is wasn't how it was supposed to be.
He likes to play alone a lot, and always sits in the back corner of the kindy room, plays alone in the playground.
Will occasionally interact with other kids.
Has difficulty calming himself down after being upset.
He put his hands overs his ears and curls up when his baby brother cries, i am vacuuming or the kids in kindy are singing.
His speech as i said is that of a 2 to 2.5yr old
He hates certain food textures and often gags on it.
Hates having dirty hands or food spilt on him.
Avoids eye contact with anyone.
Gets very tired quickly.
Loves my soft dressing gown loves to go to sleep wrapped in or or sits and watches TV with it wrapped around him.

These are just a few of the things i have written down to take to pead with me. Thank you if you got this far.