Feel like a bad mother!!

[Lulu]

Oh hun, when the MCHN came for her first visit I practically threw DS at her and burst into tears .

Prop the end of the cot/bassinette with a phone book or something.
Put the moz on the visitors OR ask them to hold bubs whilst you shower, or take for a walk etc etc.
It won't kill them to do the dishes for you either.

Sleep deprivation...omg. I never wanna go there again.

Good luck for tonight.

[fionas]

Lulu, you reminded me of my first MCHN visit where I really covered myself in glory. Anyhow, I let her in and said very confidently "follow me, DD's in here sleeping." Walked to our bedroom, over to the cradle, bent down to pick up DD. OMG - empty cradle.

Then I remembered DD was in the other room! MCHN gave me odd look.

Darl, you're so not a bad mother. Everyone goes a bit hazy, loopy, angry when they're not getting enough sleep.

As the others have said, only let people in who are going to help. Don't put yourself through social visits at this time.

Hope things get better for you soon.

[Gigi]

for your own sanity, set some boundaries.

try not to say YES to every request for a visit.

maybe limit visits to ONE per day, at a time that suits you.

be totally selfish, you are no good to anyone all worn out.

you are not at all terrible, you're just under a huge amount of stress on top of neglible sleep

it's tough to take care of your own needs, when you're trying to be polite and grateful for everyone's interest in your bub - but if they really care for you and the bub, they will respect your wishes. If they get huffy, well i don't think they are thinking of anyone but themselves.

Make a list of stuff you think of, that needs to be done, when no-one is there. So if you get asked at a visit, and go blank, you can just say - there's a list on the fridge etc.

Never edning chores like washing dishes, hanging out washing, if you can, ask for those to be done.

my fave help is when people just jump in and do what they see needs doing, i hate having to spell it out - but then again, doing that meant NONE of my visitors actually helped me in practical ways - they all assumed SOMEONE was doing this, but not them.

set boundaries - you are important - you are a mummy now and you need all your strength for yourself and bubs -not to be entertaining visitors, or staying awake when all you want to do is sleep.

put yourself and your baby first - if other people don't get it - too bad.

[{sarah}]

Oh I thought of something that I thought was a classic. One of the BB members (can't for the life of me remember who) would rock baby to sleep, or try to, while singing the Black Eyed Peas song Shut Up! Good to vent your frustration & bub might enjoy the singing

[fionas]

That's funny Sarah!

I've been known to sing Voodoo Child by Rogue Traders. There should be a specially compiled BellyBelly CD!

[Charlyfrog]

!!!!

Omg!! I remember!! So at the risk of repeating what has been said, I really do agree with everything!! Especially..........

a) Allocate strict visiting hours and even then, not every day.

b) Then when visitors do arrive, make them earn their cuddle with bubs
( I did it to my own mum and sister once, hehe! Just a reminder of who actually pushed this child out into the world in the past couple of months!! )
....including getting them to make you a cuppa, not you wait on them!!

c) get those you trust to take your bubby out for a walk/drive (even if little one cries the whole time.......they only hear it for a couple of hours then they get to go home!)

d) be as selfish as you need to be lovey......milk it if you have to, haha!! Seriously, at the point you are in your current new journey with bubs, you should only have to think about you and bubs and your partner. No one else matters right now so really relax into a 'tunnel vision' mode! IT really is only for a short season in the grand scheme of things but when you are in the thick of it, it can seem like an eternity.....so one moment at a time! xx

My biggest thought though is to make sure you stay in contact with the right people, ie pead, GP, midwife etc, even if you feel like you are repeating yourself or going around the mulberry bush......go around it 1000 times if you have to, thats what they are there for. Keep chatting to your lovely partner and BB and those I mentioned above coz we're all here to help you through this time..................it can really do your head in!!

Thinking of you love and be encouraged that you are so far from being a bad mum!! The fact that you care so much to vent and share and get help makes you the greatest mummy ever!! You love your munchkin so much and we can all tell that!

Goodness me.............my girls recently had colds so I had hardly any sleep yet more than what you are getting and I was still a grumpy, snappy, cross mummy so you're doing great sweety!!!

Thinking of you! xx

[mrsmac]

Honey you are a normal mother!! I think I have said that at one point to all of my babies, sleep deprivation is a form of torture you know.
I just asked DD aged 16 if she remembers me telling her to shut up as a tiny baby and she said no!! I said has it ruined your life?? She said she didn't think so LOL

[Nadine216]

Hun, you are not a bad mommy. Bad mommies just does not care wheter her bubba cries.

Just to give you my "normal" experiance

I was walking around the kitchen table, 3am in the morning. It was HOT. I was in just my panties. In my arms were my one and a half month old "little angel" screaching her pretty little lungs out for the past four hours. I have not had any sleep in God only knows when. She did not want my breast. I was walk/dancing trying to get into a rythym that she would like so that she MIGHT go to sleep. And I thought ... what would happen if ... I droped her ... hard .... very hard .......

I felt so guilty half a sec after thinking that, that I went into the bedroom, placed her in my bed and just stepped back a while. I sat on the edge of the bed for a while, DH were patting her bottom and she dosed off. I still feel silly for thinking something like that, but I was not myself at that stage.

Get some sleep. Those ppl coming for visits, tell then you need a break and let them cuddle bubba for a while.

Goodluck, babe. Chin up. It does get better ... eventually!!

[Dragonbub]

Ditto to what everyone else has said. I used to cry in the car with Caden - it didn't shut him up but it felt strangely relieving! It is so normal hun, especially with no sleep, constant feeding and a totally unravelled life. Seriously, like everyone has said, get some rest. It is so important you look after yourself FIRST. You are an excellent mum, otherwise you wouldnt care.

Hugs to you babe, take care.