I have to say I am with the masses on this one Rory. I believe I treat my boys equally, but definitely differently. They are both very different children and they respond to different things. I have been very concerned about Tom (DS2), as Jack (DS1) is very, very bright. Jack is also very bubbly and chatty and seems to steal the attention wherever we go. Tom has reached milestones more slowly than Jack and will not be reading letters by 18months like Jack etc, so I feel like all his life he will be compared to his brother and come off second best. But Tom is stronger than Jack and a better swimmer, and now that he is a bit older it is clear that he also has a lovely and engaging personality. So now I can see that they each have their talents and that it is ok that their strengths are in different areas.

I never thought I would do this as a parent, but I am discovering that it is important to acknowledge this, even in front of the boys. I might say something like "Jack loves books and so learnt to read early whereas Thomas is my climber and has learnt to open child gates as a younger age". I think that if they grow up realising that they are different but both very special in their own way, it will be easier when they are inevitably compared by others. Having said that though, I am still concerned about Thomas following Jack at school, as I have heard too many stories of second siblings having to endure comments about "not being like your older sibling". So I am considering the possibility of different schools. But that decision is a little way down the track yet!!

I think you will discover what works for you Rory. As mums we spend a lot of time feeling guilty and worrying over things that might never eventuate. At the end of the day we each do the very best job we can, and I think that is quite good enough. We should all be proud.