Kat - your story is like mine in so many ways, but most particularly that feeling of letting yourself down. I recognised so easily that moment when all your control slips away so suddenly and your pain threshold just bottoms out. I get the occasional jealous twang when I hear of other women going "natural" and try not to get too bitter.

But really, there are so many justifications, that one simply needs to give herself a break. We didn't end up with Csections, and that in itself is a blessing. EVERY birth is natural, even if you have IVF, induction, Csection, and bottle-feed. There is nothing artificial in growing a baby in your tummy and the love you feel afterwards.

I agree, it is just a story. I wrote my birth story, the one that I wanted to write, about a month before having Caden. It was just words on paper, the water breaking at home, the giddy anticipation, the pain, the begging for an epidural but oh, too late, you're 10 cm already! No tearing, yay, no stitches, all finished in about 6 hours. But it is just words, and the true triumph comes from seeing the deepest depths of your soul and endurance, and admitting that you have seen the end.

SO you are a hero. To me, most definitley, you have to be because that means I am one too. *hugs*