Hello all
I am feeling flat and feel I just need to share what's on my mind with someone, anyone that understands.
In 2004 I laboured for 3 days, posterior, obstructed poorly managed labour with over a dozen painful VE's which ended in scary c/s and massive infection 2 wks post op
In 2008 I tried for a HBAC cos the idea of hospitals freaked me out. I laboured for three days, baby went from OP to posterior and got obstructed, transferred to RWH and had another c/s. CS was very very scary with complications.

I have wanted a third baby for so long and I am feeling some stirrings and think I may be pregnant, I am 99% sure actually.
My birth notes clearly state "NOT FOR VBAC - SHOULD HAVE AN ELECTIVE C/S AT 37 WKS IN NEXT PREGNANCY".
It makes me ball everytime I see it.
Up until right now, this minute I believed SOMEONE out there would support me to attempt a VBAC and a baby I would magically push a baby from my vagina.
So I have two obs to go see (Euan Wallace & Harry McLennan) but my heart is heavy and I am anxious that they will look at my notes and just say "what were you even thinking come here with these notes asking for support, can you not read?!?".

So now I am wondering very very sadly, who will cut this next baby out and will they scare too much this time....?
I cannot talk to my friends, they are all very homebirth or stand-up-demand ad VB kind of people. They all think that all Obs are anti VBAC and my "complications" are all just scare-mongering. Maybe they are right, because my notes are scary. So much so that I think I might be so irresponsible for not signing up for an elective c/s.

Just so I can share this with someone out there, here is part of my notes. Many words I don't understand...
Don't feel you have to read it, I just wanted to share. I guess I want to know if this is really scary stuff or really quite common... sigh

EMERGENCY LSCS
OPERATIVE FINDINGS
• PA head 2/5th palpable
• No change in VE findings
• Uuerus - both tubes and ovaries normal
• Dense adhesions between all abdominal layers
• Ornental adehesions present which had to be divied to gain access to LUS
• Bladder edematous, advanced and densely adherent
• Baby in OP position
• Paper thin lower uterine segment
• There was a 2cm tear downwards on the right side about 2cm medial to the right uterine angle which was bleeding- sutured separately
• There was a suspicion of bladder injury (possible nick) hence Methyldene blue inserted into the bladder to test – BLADDER INTACT
• Blood stained urine prior to LSCS, clear after procedure

PROCEDURE DETAILS
• Abdomen opened through previous Pfannensteil scar
• Adhesions separated and abdomen opened with some difficulty
• LUS opened transversely and baby delivered by vertex after being pushed vaginally (someone shoved their fist up my vagina)
• There was a 2cm tear downwards on the right side about 2cm medial to the right uterine angle which was bleeding- sutured separately
• Suspected bladder tear hence Dr Peter Wein called in – methyldene blue test done and confirmed intact bladder
• LUS STITCHED IN 1LAYER ONLY AS LUS WAS VERY THIN AND WAS TEARING
• Complete haemostatis confirmed specially in separated omentum
• Abdomen closed in layers – parietal peritoneum closed after haemostatis
• Intra peritoneal drain kept in situ