My CC was a real emergency due to major foetal distress. I think part of the reason I feel so let down and sad about having had a cc was the fear and drama involved as we could have very easily delivered a dead baby.

I am in two minds really about how I feel. I know I did all that I could to bring on a natural labour before my induction and I spent probably 16hours of my labour time walking and standing and rocking, trying to progress. My dr let me dictate to a degree how fast he was allowed to intervene with his methods of induction and he allowed me 28hours before the CC. I think he would have allowed me to go much longer had DD not deteriorated so rapidly.

I felt really comfortable with the surgical team as I knew 6 of the 9 attendants in there due to being a small town. I held DD after her 5min apgar test when she got a 9 (only a 6 at birth) but didnt get any skin time till in recovery when we bf. I was ok with that at the time anyhow as I found it so difficult to hold her while lying like that and my arms were so tired that I had to ask DH to take her.

I know that if I hadnt had the CC I would definately not have delivered a live baby. Her cord had perished since the 37week scan and she had hardly grown due to starving. Her heart rate had dropped to barely 60bpm and was getting worse with each contraction. She just wouldnt have had the energy to birth.

I think I mostly feel bad as she took 10years to conceive using IVF and I just wanted to do the birthing for myself, not surgically. I also had trouble bf as she was so tired and small and wouldnt attach so again I felt I couldnt do anything right myself although we did get that working after a few horror weeks. Another thing that really hurt me was having a woman from my antenatal class labouring in the room connected to mine by bathroom. I could hear her for hours on my day 3 which did not help my coming to accept our birth.

I guess I wonder if I will ever be pg again and if I will ever get to try VB? This may have been my only chance and that is perhaps what I grieve most over, not that I had a surgical birth to save my dd life.