It must be incredibly difficult you not being able to communicate with his teachers especially as it sounds like you and your DH don't see eye to eye exactly about the issue. I suspect the school system will be very different where you are (China?) to where you are going (NZ) ? I think the most important thing given you are moving is not to traumatise your son about school full stop at the end of the day the most important thing is he settles into school in NZ right? Like previous poster I would just back off about school with your son, maybe he will be so bored at home and for holidays that after will want to go back?