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Thread: Hard to respond (small vent)

  1. #19

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    Ummmmm ok so I think it may have been me who opened up the CC can of worms. Sorry if I upset or offended everyone. I don't really feel the need to explain myself but I will.....I'm trying CC because I have another baby due in Sept and an 11 month old. We've been co- sleeping pretty much for the last few months, but now if I am not in bed then DD will wake up. Obviously it's not overly practicle for me to go to bed at 7.30pm each night and if I have to go to the loo then i have to make it quick! Anyway i think (touch wood) that night times back in her cot aren't going to be too stressful, but day sleeps are another matter - she will only sleep being held or in her pram/car seat. How could i possibly continue that with a newborn? Bow all those probs are probably my 'fault' and prior to this I have always been keen on gentle parenting ideologies. I have previously posted a thread in this section too. i love co sleeping but it's just not prasctical to continue which is why I am trying CC. It's nor easy, I hate it in fact, but i am prepared to give it a go for the long term benefit of DD - she will still need to sleep at some stage when her brother/sister is here.

    Anyway i guess i needn't of bothered posting that stuff, but Ivana and others, I totally respect your thoughts and if you can gentle parent forever then brilliant. It just doesn't always work. i love my daughter with every ounce of my body and have researched the pros and cons enormously. It's not a lighthearted decision to try this method, believe me. I guess as everyone has said we just need to respect each others choices and realise that different things work for different babies and families.



    Anyway I'm not really sure what I am trying to say, just that I hope I didn't upset anyone too much and let's just respect different choices and learn together. The one thing that being a mum has made me realise is that there are so many different ways to do things and babies don't read the books before they come out. The number of choices and responsibility of a parent is enormous, and I guess if we all agreed on everything our children would all be the same and would all grow up the same - now wouldn't that be boring!

  2. #20
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    Soph the thing is that everyone can spout their opinion on the topic but only you are living through your particular circumstances. I am happy that so far my DS has not really cried or fussed much at all so I've never even had to consider letting him cry for a bit before going to him. Who knows what I'd be doing if he was a constantly crying/fussing bub? Don't worry, no one (well me for one) is judging you in the slightest and you don't have to defend your parenting to anyone

  3. #21

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    Soph - you didn't upset me at all.. and I hope my post didnt upset you either. Like I've said I find myself having an emotional response to the thought of cc.. and I felt that I had to post something somewhere.. and I posted here in the hopes it wasn't necessarily associated with your post, and basically to have a vent.

    When I read your post I guess my initial thought was I wanted to say something encouraging, but without agreeing to cc if you know what I mean. And for the life of me I couldn't.. because I thought whatever I write is going to look like I'm attacking your decision, and that's not what I ever want to do to anyone. So I came and vented that I find it hard to compose reponses that are supportive as well as perhaps gently encouraging someone to look at alternative methods?

    Anyway.. I really hope I didn't upset anyone with what I wrote. Of course, my bub is only 4 months old.. and he's my only one.. so I haven't yet faced your situation (altho ttc'ing next year.. so if he's got sleep probs.. who knows how I'll tackle it!)

    I hope you can find something that works for you Soph.

  4. #22

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    I just posted this in the circumcision thread but it seemed appropriate for both LOL:

    I think it's great that we have some good discussion going on, just a friendly reminder though to be careful of the words we use. I know it's a powerful and emotive thing; but we must focus on the reason why we don't do it, and not what we think of those who do it.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  5. #23

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    LOL at the circumcision Kelly. Lots of emotive topics out there aren't there? But we can't always be tooo polite.. be a bit boring huh

  6. #24

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    Ah yes all good, no hard feelings whatsoever Ivana and thank you for having the courage to express your point of view in such a diplomatic way.

    Fletch my sweetie you are such a gem! You've made me cry again though 'cos you are just too nice. LOL damn pg hormones!!!!!

  7. #25

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    See, this is perfect, everyone loving everyone!

  8. #26

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    This is only part of the reason why I love BB!

    Think I might get it tattooed on my tummy!!!

  9. #27

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    Im just back from a week at sleep school!!! Yep, did some Cc, but nothing I hadn't done at home. I still have a bub that is so alert and doesn't want to sleep much. Therefore the only choice I have is to let her cry at night (I go in and out) but after 2 hours I just drift off!! She is one of the most placid happy babies they'd seen, and also the most stubborn!!
    Each to their own I say. I did cc with number one for 1.5 hours and that was IT, shewas a perfect sleeper after that (that was at 8 months, she's now 8 years). She hasn't as yet had any issues with teh cc!! (what, you mean she can't remember).
    anyway, I totally understand that some people choose not to go the cc way,. Like I choose not to feed my child any junk food.I believe in a very natural diet. HOwever I would never judge someone who gives their kids anything that i dont.
    Immunisation is the same circumcision,smoking as well. some would die rather than do those, others wouldn't even dream of not doing them. Each to their own and I think the biggest mistake is thinking that because people choose something different from one's opinion, it does not mean they love their children less. I would argue I love my children more than anyone loves theirs...im sure we all would.
    And just one thing, my MIL has a 9 year old. She hates cc, and would never do it on her kids, however the CRAP she feeds her daughter makes my mind boggle, I cannot comprehend it. Her daughter is always constipated etc,to me its extremely careless.

    Maybe one day they'll do studies and find that all criminals were left to cry!!!!

  10. #28

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    or that they were fed junkfood as young children hehehe

  11. #29

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    or both!

  12. #30

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    ivana regarding your original post, i do not go into forums that are not listed as alternative or 'gentle' because reading journeys about using cc ing upsets me and i don't agree with doing it so i do not post in those areas. for my family it would be very detromental to all of our mental health to 'let' our baby cry.

    liana regarding your comment
    it's no different then when your on the toilet and can't get to your baby straight away, or when you take a while to wake to your babies cries, you are still going in regularly and comforting your baby. If people try cc in any other way, it isn't cc, it's neglect, yes....but that isn't cc and is not the norme..."

    i'm not sure i understand what you are saying here (not wanting to sound rude or disrespectful, i really want to know what you meant). our little fella, oscar (and his older brothers) is in our sling alot of the time and we co-sleep he is actually with me all the time so i notice when he starts to wiggle or make little noices to say he is going to get upset and therefore doesn't start to cry because i can attend to his needs straight away. Yes this means having him in the sling when i am on the toilet or within arms reach now he is older

    having had babys who sleep well and 1 that woke to be breastfed every 2 hours throughout the night until he was a preschooler, i just go with the flow, don't stress about 'training' them to sleep and just have them with me the whole time. i appreciate that bb has a gentle forum where i can post about my style of parenting and not be poo pooed about that 'rod for my back' and flooded with notions that cc is the only way to parent a child. having older children i know that this baby hood/toddler hood will be gone in a blink of an eye and they will be weaned, in their own rooms and very independant.

    good luck to all the mummas and bubbas
    beckles

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