To get at the underlying reason you want/'need' to hold a grudge, ask yourself 'What would it mean to let go of the grudge? What would it mean if I were "all nice and understanding about it"?

Keep asking these types of questions to the answers you give yourself and you'll eventually get down to a central belief (about either yourself or others). Does that make sense? So it might go something like:

- Q: What would it mean if I were understanding about it and let go of the grudge?
- A: It would mean that I was being too nice.
- Q: What would it mean if I was too nice?
- A: It would mean that others might take advantage of me
- Q: What difference does it make if others take advantage of me?
- A: It would mean that I am weak/vulnerable/naieve *insert other adjectives as appropriate*

So in this example, the person has a core belief that they should not be or appear to be weak to others. Its not the reality of the situation that's driving behaviour, its the belief.

I hope this process makes sense. It doesn't translate well and I could explain it better in person. I have just made up the above example and have no idea what belief lies underneath grudges for you. Try to answer with the first thing that comes to mind or the first feeling you have about the question.