Rory, I feel like I've been faking it an awfully long time.
I'm pretty good at the obvious stuff; I give to charities, was a member of the aust tibet council and wspa when I could afford it, and I give what I can to those who need it - if I see that they need it (though it doesn't always occur to me), it's more the emotional stuff.
And Lu, right now I don't have time to dedicate externally (although down the track I can see myself mentoring or fostering, but even that has only occurred to me recently).
It's not that I think I'm a bad person, I'm just not naturally compassionate or kind unless I already love someone. And then I will do anything in my power to help if I can.
I guess all this started when I posted about a little girl in dd's daycare who really set my hackles twitching. A couple of people pointed out that she probably wasn't evil at all, just a little girl (sounds rediculous that someone even needed to point that out to me, but they did) and I just felt awful and aware that it wasn't my natural reaction, and not just because it involved dd.
I want to be kind, compassionate, not just so others will think that I am (which has motivated me in the past)
Does any of this make sense?
I'm trying not to beat myself up, to see that I'm a work in progress, but even that's a struggle.
Anyway, thanks for all your replies, you really are lovely people and I'm lucky to have you
Hugs to all xox