I understand what Smiles means. I know it might sound morbid to a lot of people but I lead my life from my death-bed too a lot of the time.

Also, when somebody does something hurtful... if your knee jerk reaction is "screw you" that ultimately just extends and prolongs your own pain. If somehow you can get to a place where your knee-jerk reaction is: "I wonder what horrible thing has happened in their life for them to feel like doing that???" then I find that I am ultimately the better for it.

Forgiveness can actually be self serving: it converts the anger = pain feeling to a neutral wondering. It's taken me 40 years but I've worked out that whenever I get get angry I feel crap. A lot of people don't seem to get this. Why do people want to feel crap unless it's REALLY worth it or going to be productive somehow eg at a protest march etc. Maybe some people think that geing angry is empowering somehow? I think that being able to move on is more empowering than anything. Don't mean to make this a lecture Just sharing how I deal with situations that involve the choice between angst and forgiveness.