I still maintain this is assuming intent. And yet isn't this what we are trying to stamp out? People assuming they know what other people are thinking? Mothers feeling judged by other mothers etc etc etc... it's all about assuming what people are thinking. If people jump to horrible conclusions about people's behaviour all the time, we're not going to get very far.

Without the glint in the eye or the body language I'm not going to go around assuming because I'm unhappy with something, that the other person was out to upset me. What a sad thought process to live with
Well, you know, when you've lived with someone for a long time and you've talked things through and you've had to work hard at living with them, you *can* sometimes assume intent.

And actually, what you are saying is a bit upsetting, although I'm sure you don't mean to be. Because the tactic of the person who is being PA is to gaslight you - when you bring up the difficulties they are presenting and try to communicate better, because they haven't outright attacked you, they make it out to be your fault. You: "I feel like such and such when you..." Them: "But I never *said* that." Or they get upset and throw a tantrum, thereby blocking your attempts to communicate better. And so when you've spent a lifetime learning to deal with PA people who have been able to make your life miserable for a very long time, having someone come along and say, "Oh, but you can't assume intent!"

Well, yeah, sometimes you can.