I think there's a difference between judging and evaluating- and constructive criticism! I have been told countless times to CC and have kindly deflected the thoughts a lot, by explaining that it wouldn't work for us, DS wouldn't stop crying and anyway I don't want him to learn that Mammy doesn't come for him when he needs her! It's a way of saying "thanks but no thanks" with also "and you're doing it wrong because..." without sounding judgemental or mean!

WRT child restraints, I'd be pointing out that it's illegal not to use a child restraint. IMO parents with unrestrained children running wild in the back of the car are irresponsible. If DS took off his seatbelt and ran wild I'd stop the car and not move until he was strapped in again. Every time. Even if it took two hours to get five minutes down the road to get home again! But other parents for some reason think "we're nearly home, it doesn't matter" - most accidents happen near home! I can't fathom that thinking, but then they can't fathom my putting DS's needs first all the time: safety is a real need.

BTW, I have a child who sits to table until everyone has finished and who is mostly quiet and well behaved around adults. It's not my parenting, well not much. It's his nature too. OK so he has toy trains if they are needed and takes them to Church every week (now that we're going again: another story but DS is quiet for 95% of the sermon and doesn't run amok). DS is full of fun and laughter, but he also knows when it's important to behave as an adult should. He doesn't always, but he does his best and knows what behaviour is appropriate when. I don't quash him (much LOL) but he knows my expectations, that I'm not cross if he can't meet them and that these expectations will be with him for life. My expectation is that he sits quietly through a sermon. He knows he may talk quietly or move around in a set area. He is not in trouble if he wants to run and play loudly, but he may not stay in the service. And the joy is I'll never expect anything different from him. My expectation of a 2 month old is the same of a 2 year old is the same as a 20 year old. With less tolerance if the 20 year old wants to play trains though!

And I've taken DS to burger king! It was that or starvation one evening on a motorway. He picked the food up and decided to starve LOL. He had fruit in the car but DH and I were fancying something and DH was driving, so burger king... and DS had none of it. Bless him. But we still took him in!

I think if we look at others' parenting and we can learn from it, be it a "let's do this" or "let's not do that" then WE have learnt and that's good. If we can share a tip then that's great: I was chatting to another woman about sleep problems earlier today and told her what worked for us. Without either of us mentioning CCing! But to... not just judge, but to jury and exocutioner as well IYSWIM, that I don't agree with. If you have a real problem with a parenting style then either say something or stop whinging in your head. I may have thought SiL was doing the wrong thing stopping BFing at 4m, but it's her choice and she made sure Niece was nurished... just because I breastfed for over a year doesn't mean she has to, or to feel judged by my continuing to feed beyond when she chose to stop. Nor should I feel that she thinks feeding beyond a year is wrong because she stopped formula at that point... I don't feel judged and that's good.

I think judging is a bad thing but if we do feel something is wrong then we can always offer constructive help. "Oh, my little one was just the same, this helped me: I know you've probably tried everything but just to make you feel less alone because I've been there too." My word, I'd take that advice! I wouldn't take "Your child is awful, you should do this" advice at all.

Child beating, child molesting, child murder... OK, I do judge here. I can understand being at the end of your tether and have told Liebling before now "I can see how with another mother you wouldn't be here any more" but I can't fathom crossing that line. And I am soooo thankful and grateful for that.