I reckon it's a bit of a chicken and the egg situation... which one first LOL?! and can they really be seen as two distinct threads? rather i see it as a finely textured weaving of the two.

I am personally happier when DD is happy. but DD isn't always happy (usually as we set off into the sunset AWAY from the playground after hours of swing and slide time...hmm, but mummy IS happy! LOL!) and i am not always happy. are the two connected? not exclusively. sometimes I am unhappy when DD is gloriously over the moon with joy. we read the same book 6 times over! but it in this instance it is a sacrifice worth making. and sometimes DD is unhappy when i am happy. for example, DH is with her and mummy sneaks off for a shower; DD thinks it is uncalled for and bangs at the door demanding me to come out. but i disappear into the steam with a blissful smile while i hear DH negotiating at the door with DD with promises of playground extravaganzas.

I guess i have to agree with RHF on many of her points, it's a balance that we all need to find for ourselves, and however we define it we all mean the same thing. we want to achieve happiness.