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Thread: Assuming it's an accident

  1. #19

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    I know how you feel but not the young bit LOL. I got asked it all the time when I told people I was pregnant with Riley, just because circumstances made us leave big gaps in our children we were constantly asked " was it an accident?" People seemed genuinely shocked when I said no.


  2. #20

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    I'm doubly cursed then we haven't been together all that long LOL damn

  3. #21

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    That must be a pain, people are silly though, they think cause you haven't been together long it won't work but sometimes it does, just as some marriages break up after years and some don't. My friend's parents "had to get married at 19 cause the were pg with my friend and they are still together now many years later.
    Prove them wrong Celtic moon!! That'll show em.
    BTW Congratulations, how wonderful that you are having a baby.

  4. #22

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    Well firstly congratulations!

    Secondly,
    I hate it when people offer unwanted opinions. Way too many people do this, especially in regards to others' parenting, in my opinion!!

    I have four kids.. None of them were specifically planned.
    My second one was a big shock. She is only 13 months younger than the first - I got pg when baby #1 was only 5 months old. I would NEVER say she was a mistake. She wasn't. I was never unhappy about her. I do, however, tell people she was a 'surprise' and a nice one at that! She is so perfect.

    Anyway, maybe if you tell people that you were waiting to get PG but not actively over trying but at the same time tell them how excited you both are to be pregnant, they may get the clue? I'm sorry you are dealing with such negative responses at a time that should be so happy for you!

  5. #23

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    Congratulations!

    Hey I got the same and I am 33!!!!!
    When they looked shocked just say - we want two more after this one and then we will stop.
    I saw a family on the weekend with 6 kids - I noticed them because the mother yelled out loudly - yes there are 6 and we still haven't finished! Obviously she had yet anoher person comment on the size of her brood....

    People are dumb, regardless of your age. I'm sorry your friends suck though.

  6. #24

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    congratulations & don't let it get to you. Unless you get married at 26-28 and have 2 children 2-3 years apart....you will get comments like this! Enjoy your pg. It's hard, I know, to come up with an answer that's polite and neutral. If anyone really bothers you, ask them why they want to know! (Harder when it's family.)

  7. #25
    heidi Guest

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    Hey all, congratulations and remember:

    "There's no such thing as an accidental baby, perhaps only accidental parents"!

    I think every baby is a blessing, so matter how it arrives into our lives! I've used this line so many times now to people who have commented on our unplanned (but very much wanted) pregnancy.

  8. #26

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    Thanks all I'm glad I'm not the only one! Had a m/c scared I wrote about in "Scared" thread in First Trimester forum (don't know how to link sorry). I've told a few people that the next two weeks are going to be critical on whether bubz survives or not and have mostly gotten a "maybe it will be for the best" (if i do m/c) or a "well you are young its not like you can't have others later" (with LATER being emphasized).

    I've had it up to here with all of them, I'm not telling them anything and barely going to talk to them at the moment I don't need the extra stress and distress. Just goes to show I should of stuck to my original plan and not told anyone other than DP before 12 weeks...

    Arg i's so infuriating!

  9. #27

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    I had a m/c too before Beth was born and I waited until I was 5 months along before we told anyone - tell 'em you are hoping it's twins!

  10. #28
    mrs baj Guest

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    I had a few people say things like that to me when they found out we were pg. We had only been married 6 wks and my sister was 8wks further along in her pg. Everyone thought it was an accident or that we secretly got pg before the wedding or even worse that I was trying to steal the lime light from my sister!
    I just smiled and told them that it was a surprise and we felt so blessed and to be able to have children so easily... even though we hadn't figured on it happening quite so soon.
    I'm 35 1/2wks pregnant now with a very healthy little boy and everyone is so excited. Hope your friends and family come around to the idea and support you both in this time, there is definately enough to deal with without others giving you crap.

  11. #29

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    I feel for you CelticMoon, I hadn't thought about it being a rude question! I have some people ask me if it took us long to fall pregnant people I don't even know very well. I think that is my own private information and it has nothing to do with the outcome! I don't think 20 is too young to have a baby. If you are happy and you know that you can give it all the love in the world then that is all that matters! Just tell people that your happily pregnant and you both can't wait to have the baby. Im sure your friends will come round when they see how happy you both are!
    Enjoy your pregnancy!

  12. #30

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    I really like that: "I have 3 pleasant surprises and 1 planned. Doesn't matter which is which cause they are all loved just the same." that is an awsome way to look at it. I know it's abit late but congratulations for all your pgs!! :-)

    I haven't spoken to any of them about it i've been actively avoiding the subject with them I think it's starting to sink in that I'm not impressed although they still don't seem to really care lol.

  13. #31

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    We are both 21 now, our DS was planned, DF turned 21 b4 he was born, me after he was born, it was the best decicion we ever made, i love our little man, I'd rather deal with the screaming and no sleep now then being older. It's great, everyone think he was an oops but whats it to them anyway.

  14. #32
    nimchimpsky Guest

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    I get the same too - I am youngish and bub #1 was a 'suprise', but we decided that we had one, may as well have two, and planned our second bub 2 years later.
    But people just assumed that we had another 'accident' and somehow I felt too embarrassed to actually say: "No, this was planned!" Like it was wrong somehow because I was still fairly young?!

  15. #33

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    I had this judgement when I was pg with Joshua. I was 20...he was planned, but happened faster than expected. He is no less loved or cared for than if it had been a year later though. To be honest, I'm glad that I was younger in a lot of respects cos now in a lot of ways he's my little buddy (ok, not so little, he's now as tall as me!). We hang out and laugh and tease each other and I'm still young enough for him to feel connections and know that I do understand how he feels about some things.

    I would try to ignore these small minded, judgemental people and enjoy your little bubba growing in your belly

  16. #34

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    Hey, my situation was similar: my DH and I had only been together about 3 months then: whoops! Along came our DD. That was 12 years ago... and we've since had 2 planned little boys. There is a huge gap and a lot of people think my first child was from a previous marriage I just let it go.... the gap was because I chose to return to study. Anyhow I just wanted to say that despite these unlikely circumstances our family has thrived ....oh and it was a lot easier being pregnant young (physically) so that's a huge positive

  17. #35

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    I think it's disgusting that people can be so judgemental. I say that you should enjoy every minute of your pregnancy because as soon as that baby comes along nothing that anybody has said will matter. and you never know, you might not have another one! - not being nasty or anything - i'm a young mummy and i was told i couldnt have babies and then i had one so made sure i enjoyed every minute of being pregnant in case i couldnt experience it again. yep....every 'head in the toilet', '6 and half hours of drug free labour' minute....
    Just be happy - its the best gift you can give your baby - both now and when when you're holding it in your arms

  18. #36

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    He he, just tell anyone rude enough to ask if it was planned "Yes, we want a dozen, so thought we better make a start now on it" lol Then watch the look of shear horror (i know,, evil huh lol)

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