Younger Couples Chat ~ March - May 2008

[Bundymumof2]

Hey
Not sure if this is where we do the intro thing, but anyway, Im Tara live in Bundy 23... Married with 2 kids one is nearly 5 and the other just turned 1.... I love being a young mum and still get asked regularly if they are my kids, lol

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Hi Tara, welcome to BB!
Im Ash, 20yo, and have two month old Alexander.
I also have identical twin sisters that are only eight weeks older than alexander.
Most people find that a bit weird!
Add me to msn so we can chat!

[trini246]

Hi Tara & Charmaine

welcome to BB & i hope you enjoy it here i am always up for an advice you wanna share about your experiences! im just over 10wks pregnant with my first bub...im a uni student studying nursing

So this is all new to me & any help will be appreciated...feel free to add me to msn

[Daydream Believer]

Welcome Tara!!

[[M]umma[M]ia]

grrrrrrr why do people look down at u when u say ur pregnant and they find out ur only 20??? its really irritating me. Its like so wat we are a younger couple and been together since i was 16. When they find out we have been together since i was 16 they look down at me too....but they dont know my situation. Why are people so quick to judge? is 20 really that young?? ive been TTC for 2 years and now i feel like i have this hanging over me coz of what other ppl think. sorry i just had to vent.

[Bundymumof2]

Hi Tara & Charmaine

welcome to BB & i hope you enjoy it here i am always up for an advice you wanna share about your experiences! im just over 10wks pregnant with my first bub...im a uni student studying nursing

So this is all new to me & any help will be appreciated...feel free to add me to msn

Hey
Im studying nursing too at CQU, 2nd year. What uni are you at? My msn is tmkelly13@hotmail.com

see ya

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Holly, it's tough I know. But it keeps happening. Apparently the worst is when the get to school age and you have ALL the other parents "ganging up" IYKWIM.
Some people forget that at times there are actually are highschool sweethearts that you know, last. My grandparents were together when she was 14 or 15 and have now been married more than 40 years. My 40 year old stepdad just left my mum because he couldn't hack it. So, sometimes it IS the older people who just can't "deal".

And wait for it, when you cop slack from people who should be holding a certain degree of professionalism - like the MCHN nurses I see. I think I'm going to stop going. Thy talk to you in a very condescending tone as if you're young means that you don't know jack about anything. I got so sick of it I cut her off and used to just speak over the top of her. It can be very frustrating.
None of the mothers in my mothers group speak to me, well one does, and the only reason is because she has triplets and she tends to ask about the twins a lot.

Holly just tell people that age with regards to parenting is a very subjective thought, and due to this anyone that doesn't know you had no right to judge. If you can say that, and believe that, what people say will begin to bother you less and less as time goes by.

The other thing is, they have nothing to prove that we make bad parents. 50 years ago, young parents was the in things to do. I don't know why they have their noses out of joint because honestly, isn't it only our parents that should be pining for the loss of "a better life we could have had"?
My Mum didnt care that I was pregnant, she had an accidental pregnancy too, but she said that because I was always so ambitious she had seen "more" for me (ie, the high flying career I always wanted), apart from that reason she didn't care. So really, is that the only thing, that people think we should be working?

Because honestly I was useless at Uni because I wasnt enjoying my course, I was useless in the workforce because I couldn't find a job to stick at, and I had the overwheling desire to be a mother (cluck cluckity cluck since I was what, eight years old), so why not be here?

And anyone stupid enough to think we do it for the "baby bonus" or the pension is ridiculous. Hmmm you try and raise a child on $4000, ooh and the measly amount that's barely enough for rent & food. D1ckwads.

Sorry, long ramble.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

Thanx Ash, that made me feel better. I find even when i take my niece (aged 5) to and from school i get the weirdest looks from the other mothers. Its like they are all sitting around going "whos that", "omg does she have a kid that goes here", "ive been told shes only 16"...iykwim
I dont see why its so bad being a young mum. I mean, i feel great when i think ill only be 38 when my baby is 18. Because i also lost my dad just before christmas, i have always wondered if only he was a little younger when hhe had me (he was 38) then i wouldnt have to lose my dad at the age of 19.
I think ive been lucky with doctors so far. I have explained to them that i dont know much about this whole pregnancy thing and they seem to be explaining things without making me feel too dumb. But more than likley i will come across one during the pregnancy.
As far as my family goes, my mum knows i was TTC for 2 years so she is over the moon about bub. Shes being the clucky nanna hehehee...
I find my sisters giving me stupid advice, i mean i like advice but telling me how they will help if i cant get the baby latched on etc...im like give me a break im only 13 weeks. So in a way that makes me feel dumb also. But i do have one sister in paticular that has decided to ignore me. Since i told her i was pregnant which was around 2.5 months ago, i havent heard from her. I used to hear from her every 2 days or so. She has 4 kids, and mum said she is probley jelous coz her baby wont be the centre of attention. Im like...wow do ppl really think like that. anyway im rambling.
Oh and this baby bonus...i tell ppl i pregnant and thats pretty much the first thing that comes out of their mouth ' oh atleast u will get 4/5000"....wtf!!! like i care. i dont want money for having a baby and i can say that, that money wont go very far. grrrr!!! but then u have woman that are llike 30-40 and everything is right for them coz they are older, but there is so many woman out there aged 30-40 that just do it for money etc. It makes me angry, why do we get singled oout? What is the publics acceptable age to have a baby???

like u ash, i have allllways wanted to be a mum. Im finishing my hairdressing course next week just to shut ppl up. But i know what u mean about ppl thinking "why isnt she working"..thinking we have pretty much runied our lives...well im sorry to say to all them stupid people out there that think that...having a baby is FAR from life ruining!!!!!!!!

i better stop or i wont shutup

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Having a baby is "never" acceptable, lol!

It wouldn't matter if you were twelve or if you were fifty, some part of society is ALWAYS going to judge. And I don't think we're singled out, I know at times we probably feel like we are, probably because media and society have given everyone the general perspective that young people shouldn't have children... But I don't think it's just us.

I think the mother's that have babies at thirty probably get told they're only having children because the "clock is ticking", or because they're married and it's obligatory. And mothers that have babies at forty probably get told they're too old for children, and it's not fair on their children as they won't have their parents for a long time, etc. A LOT of the things that get said about ALL different age groups... it's just it, having babies is just "never" acceptable.

I do think that younger couples are often isolated because there is "no acceptable reason" for them to be having babies at that age. I feel as though we get looked down upon because we haven't tried to have a career - I guess people expect we should be contributing to society. And I suppose with so much attention to improve the rate of students finsihing high school these days it is expected that they will continue their studies and 'do something' with their life. What i don't understand is why having children first is such a demise to this plan? I still fully intend on having a fulfilling career, but I wanted my children young so i could enjoy life with them. So I have the energy and vigour to be their soccer coach, to run around with them at the park. You know, I can still go out and get drunk with my kids when they turn eighteen if I want to. I LOVE the close bond I have with my mum from being so close in age, It's like there really isnt much of a generation gap, and I really want to have that sort of relationship with my children. Why should I be judged for that?

At least older couples that get pregnant "late" may have needed to take measures with assisted conception, may not have foudn the right partner or been married, etc. But there definitely is always a reason for anyone of any age to get picked on about their pregnancies and/or decision to have children.

Speaking of married, that's another thing, in this day and age, why is marriage still so important to bringing a child into this world. Don't 50% of marriages fail anyway? Sorry, we have an amazing commitment to one another, being married is not going to change our abilities to raise a child. All it is, is a signature on a piece of paper, a name (husband/wife) and a shiny thing on your finger. Really, what does that say about commitment? Nothing, sorry, i can go to a registrar and get married if I want to, but I don't see the necessity. It is not going to increase the chances of our relationship holding together. We can take vows as a couple without having taken them with marriage. Spending gross amounts of money on a wedding does not ensure you will last. It's a risk you have taken to say, yup, we're sure this is worth it, but commitment is shown in so many other ways.

My personal 'right now' view of commitment is staying with your accidentally pregnant girlfriend you have only been dating for three months.

Gotta love the liners from people when you go and say, Oh, I'm pregnant and they're like, "Is that congratulations then??". Of course it it. If it wasn't congratulations do you think I would be telling you, as if I'd run around willy nilly telling people that I'm pregnant if I'm having doubts about keeping the baby?
Or the inevitable, "so why did you keep it?". That one makes me fume.

I still think that yes, sometimes there are ages that people get pregnant that seems 'unacceptable'. But truly, there are so many cultures in the world that still have arranged marriages and kids popping out kids when they're only eleven years old, that people should be well aware that this is what our bodies are made to do.
Yes Australia does not have that culture, and yes, our life expectancy is a lot longer than some of those other cultures, so we needn't have children so young so as to ensure our ability to, BUT we are also a nation that believes in Freedom of Speech are we not? Is this not an issues that counts under freedom of speech. Freedom to make our own decisions, freedom to live our own lives. I think so.

And just as an add note:
We are also a nation (well maybe only VIC) that legalises sex from the age of 10 years old, with the provision of less than two calendar years difference in age, and from the age of 16 freely. So, yes having babies is a lifestyle choice, but is having sex also?

[ElleJay]

Hi ladies, sorry I've been MIA - I've been so busy! started working shift work and it's kinda killing me

Hope all is well

[Butterfly_Princess]

Hey
For any one thats interested i just uploaded a few more pics of my baby girl that DP took today!!
Hope your all well

[Early Kids]

Hello

meg, I'll check out your gorgeous girl now How is everything going?

Not much happening here.

Happy Anzac Day!

Take care

[alioops]

Hi Girls

Welcome Tara!

Hollye - I am what is considered to be 'acceptable' because we were married before conception. most of the judgement is to do with traditional beliefs, and that divorce is harder to do that just breaking up iykwim. the idea is that divorce makes people think about it before splitting up. but most people now realise that relationships take work, even the couples that have been married for 50+ years argue, but they work on it. we have a rule, never go to sleep until the argument is sorted out. I also have said to people in the shops that yes i am young, but i was just ready young. different people are ready for different things at different times and what suits one doesn't suit another. I also look older. most people have to pick up their jaws from the floor when i tell them how old i am. i look at least 25. the photo on ymnm2b is not flattering.

[trini246]

Hope everyone had a good ANZAC day

Meg - i will have to check out your new pics i love looking at pics but i will have to do it later as im on my way out the dor to work in a sec

Hope everyone has a good day