Forgiveness is accepting what the other person has said or done that has hurt you, and choosing to let it go. We can't forgive someone for hurt that we hold on to.

I felt very resentful towards my mother when I was younger because she didn't help me out of a situation I was in as a teenager. Many awful things happened to me because I couldn't get myself out of that situation, and I would often lie awake at night thinking 'why won't she come and save me from this?'. I was very very angry and hurt and I blamed her for so many things that flowed out of that situation, and the years of recovery it took to get my life back to 'normal'.

The hurt and anger stunted me emotionally and made me depressed and kept me from having a relationship with her. Every time I saw her it hurt like hell. There were tears and tears and tears. It wasn't until I stopped holding her accountable for my decisions, choices, situations and experiences, that I could start to heal. Yes, she could have helped me out of that sitation, but until I figured out that it was not her obligation to save me from my own choices in life that I could forgive her for not doing what *I* wanted her to do to make *my* life better. I still do see her as a bit of a selfish person now, but I don't let it hurt me deeply, I just see it as part of her personality. Now we have rekindled our relationship and she is one of my biggest support persons, and I can see that there are many other good qualities to her personality.

Forgiveness is deciding not to persecute someone for what they have or haven't done, and it releases all manner of hurt and trauma. Sometimes, when things are deeply traumatic, you have to make the choice to forgive over and over, whenever those feelings rise up.