What a hard situation for you all to be in. I really feel for your DH and perhaps he needs a little more time. Does it REALLY matter if she does not know? (just throwing questions out there) She has known no different all these years.
Unfortunately the problem is that a secret like this cannot be kept in todays society. She will find out at some stage, the only thing that can possibly be controlled and make a difference to her reaction is when and how she finds out. If no-one sits her down and talks to her, she will find out in her own way and it won't be pretty. If not when she turns sixteen and wants a drivers liscence (which requires a birth certificate), then when she is a young adult and wants a passport. The longer it is left, the more it is going to hurt.


As much as I feel for your DH in this Raising Dancers, he is actually being very selffish about he's refusal to tell. He is more concerned about how this is going to affect him, and how she is going to react to him, then what is in her best interests. It is understandable he is getting wrapped up in his own problems, but he is going to have to face his fears at some point, and the longer it is left, the more likely his fears will actually become a reality, because she will start to 'blame' him for not telling her earlier.

I actually think given your DH's emotional state in regards to this, that perhaps it is best for you to talk to your DD alone about this. Explain that your DH always has been and always will be her dad, but that she was actually conceived by another man. Explain to her that her father (your DH) loves her very much and be honest that he is scared that she may see him differently or treat him differently, and that he is scared of loosing her now she knows the truth. And that the reason he is so scared is because he loves her sooo much and to him SHE is his daughter, no matter what.