n2l, you have captured perfectly how soooo many of us feel.
it is a horrible journey we are on. being reminded every month by af that we are not preg. its devastating.
i feel incredibly jealous and envious and sometimes furious at people that just fall pg without any assistance or even any effort.
then i feel guilty for feeling that way.
i don't even know how i will feel if i ever do fall pg. of course i will be happy and excited, but there is an added dread of what next. i think this feeling is much more intense for ltttcers.

for us all