oh JoeSpratt - I'm gutted for you, for us both. I wish we could give each other a hug. I've had chemicals before and had symptoms, it's just a part of the cruelty of it all. Whereto here for you? I feel the end of the road but I don't want it to be, not sure where to go next. Seeing the FS next week as a review/follow up but I suspect he'll just say my chances are not good now. Life sucks sometimes, I feel the most terrible I've ever felt. Big hugs to you JS xxxxxx
Hi JoeSpratt how are you feeling today? I woke up hoping it was all a bad dream but alas it was reality. What are your plans from here?
I am thinking of going hardcore on the natural approach and seeing where I end up, I just don't feel done but don't know if that's just me not being able to accept the inevitable or not?
Hi JoeSpratt how are you feeling today? I woke up hoping it was all a bad dream but alas it was reality. What are your plans from here?
I am thinking of going hardcore on the natural approach and seeing where I end up, I just don't feel done but don't know if that's just me not being able to accept the inevitable or not?
SORRY DOUBLE POST!!
Last edited by Alison1973; May 29th, 2013 at 12:23 PM.
Was up half the night & the other half was spent crying...not doing too well! Work has been good & I've been at least able to stay home. not sure I would have been able to face my work colleagues after my mental breakdown yesterday. Tomorrow is going to be bad enough. Just need the hormones to settle & hopefully then the emotions won't be so manic. Can't bring myself to tell my little girl that she won't be a big sister. Not that I don't want to try again but don't think that our finances will stretch that far. DP sees me hurting so much & I don't think he wants me to have to go through the hurt again. I should be happy with my lot as we have the most precious little girl, which is more than some others, but my desire to be a mum again is still burning so strong. We unfortunately can't try the "normal way" as we have a 50/50 chance of transferring the genetic disorder which is terminal & to have to wait until I was 12 weeks to get the results before deciding to terminate would be even more heartbreaking than what we are going through now. Funny how kids pick up on things though. DD could sense something was wrong this morning & tried to fane illness so she could stay home. As much as I would have loved the cuddles, could not have dealt with that today. I know that sounds bad but it is the truth. Seeing me all sad all day would not be good for her & not allowing myself time to grieve is not good for me.
Oh JoeSpratt - you and I are feeling the exact same way, if I hear one more person say, oh well at least you have Amelia - sorry but it's not a consolation, the utter yearning for another child is so strong. I hate the thought that as an older mum my daughter won't have a sibling to keep in company with when I'm in a nursing home!!! I am beyond sad and I'm not coping well either, I understand what you mean, Amelia has 3 year old kindy at 12.15 pm and while I love her to bits I am hanging to drop her off. I just want to be alone, friends want to visit etc., I don't feel like being around people at the moment, yesterday I took Amelia to dancing thinking it would be good to get my mind off it, only for one of the mums to walk in with her week old baby and she sat right next to me. I burst into tears, I felt bad for her but I just couldn't help it. I'm sorry you can't try naturally, it would be silly for me to as well with all my issues but we just don't want to spend any more money on IVF either, it's so hard on the finances. I had to put my dog down (she had leukemia, 12.5 years old) on Monday, my daughter came up to me today with a picture and said, don't be said mumma, I have drawn you a picture of Molly and Nugget in the rainbow. I just burst into tears, I just can't stop crying I don't know how to handle these emotions, just being told your eggs are too crap to conceive is so hard to accept huh.
Whatever happens JS please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you and I can both get our miracle somehow. Life throws curveballs but when are you able to throw them back and say enough?!
At least my wait is over with AF arriving today...some finality to it all I suppose. Hormones must be returning to normal as the emotional roller coaster is getting a bit easier to ride. Spoke to the nurse today too. She asked if we had thought about our path forward. Said I would prefer to have a chat with the FS about what he thought our options are & what he thought our chances are. If there is something he can suggest to try to try to get us over the line or if he thought our chances are just hopeless. May have to resign myself to the fact that there may not be another blessing in my life......
Still grappling on whether I am going to tell my family. My last loss was the day before my gran died and just wasn't the time to be heaping that on my mum as well & they are coming to visit next week for my DD's 5th birthday. I certainly don't want to spoil my DD's birthday & the visit with her grandparents but not really something I can just discuss on the phone either. It's still so fresh in my head & even just thinking about it still brings me to tears. They have no idea that we have even been trying so whether I should just keep it to ourselves & spare them the pain. Not sure that spreading the misery would actually achieve anything or if my mum would be more hurt for not having told her sooner. Not really a winning situation for anyone.
Sorry for my babble but helps to have it out of my head!
At least my wait is over with AF arriving today...some finality to it all I suppose. Hormones must be returning to normal as the emotional roller coaster is getting a bit easier to ride. Spoke to the nurse today too. She asked if we had thought about our path forward. Said I would prefer to have a chat with the FS about what he thought our options are & what he thought our chances are. If there is something he can suggest to try to try to get us over the line or if he thought our chances are just hopeless. May have to resign myself to the fact that there may not be another blessing in my life......
Still grappling on whether I am going to tell my family. My last loss was the day before my gran died and just wasn't the time to be heaping that on my mum as well & they are coming to visit next week for my DD's 5th birthday. I certainly don't want to spoil my DD's birthday & the visit with her grandparents but not really something I can just discuss on the phone either. It's still so fresh in my head & even just thinking about it still brings me to tears. They have no idea that we have even been trying so whether I should just keep it to ourselves & spare them the pain. Not sure that spreading the misery would actually achieve anything or if my mum would be more hurt for not having told her sooner. Not really a winning situation for anyone.
Sorry for my babble but helps to have it out of my head!
joe - hope you're feeling ok this w/end . i had a chem. towards the end of last year, close to my grandma passing away. it was really rough, but i did tell my mum & close family. not sure about your mum, but mine would've been more upset if she found out that i didnt tell her. if its too hard to talk about, could you send a text? bit impersonal i know, but at least you could let her know, and give her an opportunity to support you a little? xx
Hi girls
I'm finally back!! I'll go to the donor thread soon I guess but I wanted to say hi and let you know where l'm at. My belly belly friend was not able to be my donor in the end. The friend who offered back in Jan is now single again and very keen to help me and donor daddy (her ex wasn't keen on the idea). She has had her first bloods and we all have our counselling session next wed. I'm scared to death something will go wrong given our past history and had a mini melt down today. Donor daddy has been so amazing, given he thought he'd do a few sperm donations and bang we'd be utd he has stuck with Me through all this, bless him. So who knows, we could potentially have a basket of lovely eggies in the next few months. She's 24 and has a 3 year old daughter who my mum and I are babysitting for a few hours on Sunday (good practice for 'grandma' lol)!
Good to be back. I'll have read and catch up on where everyone is up to.
Hi Sunbeam - that's so exciting wishing you every luck in the world! Would love you to pop in and keep us posted x
AFM - sorry I've been MIA, I've been struggling with my "you'll be unlikely to have another baby" diagnosis after my failed PGD cycle. The specialist told me last week that even though they'd rather have tested from 10 to get a proper idea the fact I've had so many miscarriages just proves it's my eggs not just one of those things grrr. He basically told me to enjoy my daughter and enjoy my life in a nutshell. Was pretty depressed for a few days and struggling to deal with some friends who are pregnant and whinging about it but i'm trying to stay positive. Got in to see a great fertility naturopatI , who said I am one of he ryoungest clients and she has another client with premature ovarian dysfunction, low AMH, high FSH like me, had failed IVF and then after 3 months working with her she got pregnant with a healthy bub. So it re-sparked my faith again that perhaps I can still do this. We're taking 3 months off from TTC and hitting the naturopath's diet and herbs and we'll see how we go. Have found a lot of interesting info on the whole affects of IVF drugs on egg quality and flaws in the PGD testing so I figured it was worth one last shot. I just don't feel ready to quit yet, I really do feel I'm meant to have another baby, not sure if it's denial or what - off to see a psych about it anyway to get some coping with pregnant whinging women strategies ha ha ha. Oh and I turned 40 yesterday, scary milestone when I really hoped to end my 30's with a baby in my belly at least. Ho hum.
Hope everyone is well, sorry for the woe is me post! xx
Hi ladies, was wondering if you wouldn't mind me joining in ur grp. I used to be on BB a lot a few back and the support helped me so much. We have been trying to conceive our 2nd for 13mths. 1xiui, 2xfresh, 3xfets all bfn. I just waiting for af to arrive from our latest fet. We saw our FS yesterday and he feels PGD is the be t step for us. Feeling quite overwhelmed and I guess just searching for ppl to chat to about it cause Icsi is one, but PGD is a whole new level that no one really understands!
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