With such an introduction I can hardly just lurk around here on the forums, so hello! I'm the author of Getting pregnant the Hard way...

So how does IVF impact the men? In my case the impact started earlier than IVF. It started after visiting the dreaded masturbation room and subsequently found out I had testicles brimming with mutant sperm (normal morphology between 0% and 2%). At first there was the emotional impact of not being able to father a child. This struck at the very core of who I was. Sure, there were ways to deal with it, but that wasn't the point. If there is one thing I felt I should be able to do unassisted as a guy it was fathering a child.

We then began IVF and that was hell. It was hell because my wife was going through the whole IVF process because of me! I decided to deal with this the only way I knew how. By not saying anything about it and pretend it wasn't there. I didn't feel I had the right to be emotional about it. My wife needed my support. She needed me to be strong as she went through the emotionally trying procedures. Looking back I realize it probably wasn't the smartest way to deal with it but I had such a hard time talking about it that my wife actually found out how emotionally trying I found it to be by reading the book!

IVF is trying because we as men are insignificant in the whole process (much as we are through the pregnancy). We stand over in the sperm-donor corner, knowing that our less than perfect sperm could be replaced by the high IQ sperm of a Nobel Prize winner at a moments notice. As guys we tend to like to cast ourselves as either the hero or the villain. Ending up as an extra in your own life is not easy to deal with.