Hello ladies
Have been reading everyones stories and its so sad we are all on here in this TTC journey all for different reasons in a way but all for the same reason IYKWIM we have all suffered a loss within the last 12mnths and the pain is still quite raw for most of us although not on a daily basis its still there hiding away ready to pounce on us at the slightest thing ie a pg anouncment or AF turning up or just seeing a tiny baby in a pram when out shopping ! Well girls we are all here because we need to comfort each other and give each other hope and lessen the fear that we maynot get the long awaited BFP !
I am so glad I found all of you as without you all I would be a total mess !

Anyway that out the way I have a story too but I feel sometimes that I am just being gready, as I have 9 kids already yes 9 between the ages of 25 and 2yrs I had my 1st at 20 when married to my 1st hubby. I fell pg again a yr later and although my marriage was not going that well I was so glad I was going to be a mum again, anyway at my 16wk scan I was told my baby had died at 11wks and I needed a D&C to remove the fetus ! I was so upset didn't know what happened, went for a scan but came out being told my baby wasn't alive ! anyway after the D&C I didn't cope too well and eventually my marriage ended I eventually met and moved in with my now DH, my son was 2yrs, We never used contraception and 3yrs later we knew something was wrong anyway we found out my DH had only 1 million sperm in his count and out of those 50% had something wrong ie bent tails and so on. We tried IUI 3 times with his sperm but all failed, this was back in the late 80s and IVF was not an option for us so we decided to try IUI with donor sperm, on the 2nd attempt we got a BFP and a lovely son in Sept 91, we decided to go back to the clinic again 2yrs later for another try of IUI with donor sperm, to our suprise we were pg naturally and were so amazed ! anyhow it was short lived as I mc a few weeks later I was told to wait for a normal AF then start the clomid for IUI anyhow it never happened as I was pg again and had my 1st daughter in march 95 in oct 95 I was pg again, my son was born in june 96, I then went on the pill ! 3yrs later we decided to try again after a whole year I got a BFP mc at 5wks then pg again in April 2000 my son was born Jan 2001 but with many probs ie heart,lung and digestion as well as cranial stenosis, over the next 2yrs he was in and out of hospital 4 majour ops and many times didn't think he would live, When he was 9mnths old I realized I felt ill from being pg again ! I was so scared as I had a sick child and now was UTD again, anyway my son was born july 02 no probs, so worry over ! anyway I went on to have 2 more girls and a boy over the next 6yrs. I did mc inbetween each of them and took over a yr to get a BFP but I did it ! I never gave up hope and knew that the misscarriages were natures way ! However Last year in June at the age of 44 I got a BFP again and was so thrilled as it had taken me 2yrs and a mc, but we decided this was to be the last as now we were well in our 40s. Well in Sept 09 at 12wks 5days I went for a scan as I had a slight brown spotting and was told it was a BLIGHTED OVUM not a baby in the sac. I had a D&C and its hit me so hard this time I guess the reason is I am now 45 I know my hubby has had sperm issues and know my time is about run out, but I just have this empty feeling and great sadness that my baby never came after 12wks of pg symptoms and all the emotional thoughts that go with being pg the planning and the buying new stuff then NOTHING !
So thats me today 45 and hoping to fall pg again, but every month that goes by its getting harder and harder to stay positive.
Sorry for the long winded story I am not really deserving of having anymore I gues I should be happy with what I have but after loosing 5 angels you just never get over it ! I would just like to go into my old age in happiness watching my last little miracle grow up not be in sadness remembering the Angel that didn't get to stay with me ! But I know the clock is against me ! but I am a gambler I suppose and if theres a will theres a way, Just a shame Im too old for any help when I could do with some, sometimes feels like I have come full circle ! back to square 1.
What I really wanted to say was NEVER GIVE UP ! even when the odds are stacked against you miracles do happen they really do sometimes nature does goe against what the DRS say and you could end up with a miracle of your very own ! We were told no need for contraception you won't get pg naturally with a sperm count like that !!!!!! How wrong they were !

Anyway I think I have missed out again this month as Ive got low backache and just waiting for the usual headache then AF will be here I just know she will,