Hi David
This sounds awesome and just what is needed. I found the disappointment of getting my periods pretty hard to deal with. My heart dropping into the pit of my stomach whenever I got those tell tale signs.
* Maybe something about Superstitions or beliefs in falling pregnant? ie booties beside the bed, fertility statues, crystals. After trying for so long I was keen to try anything, including rubbing the belly of the fertility statue at Ripleys Believe it or Not on the Gold Coast.
* Or how to deal with other people who are asking you the question "when are you going to have kids?" etc. That was hard on me because I was getting harrassed constantly as a newly wed about when were we starting our family. I didn't want to have to go into my medical history everytime.
That's all I can think of for the moment...I'll come back to you if I think of anymore.
Good luck
I think this is a great idea as well. I've just ordered your book for DP to read as he is really struggling with TTC at the moment. Now i just have to get him to read it :biggrin:
A big issue for me (and its my own fault) is having people judge my decision to TTC. A lot of people know DP and I are TTC. Often when they learn how long it is taking us, they turn around to me and say that its ok that its taking its time because i'm so young! I even had 1 person go so far to say that it didn't matter if i didn't have a baby for another 10 yrs :eek: I don't know how to explain to these people (people that have never had probs TTC or who don't actually have kids yet) how hard this TTC business actually is. I guess really its for me to realise that these people don't mean any harm. But as a hormonal person, sometimes its very easy to take things the wrong way!
Thanks for your feedback (and for buying the book bron!)
Katie: we actually have written a chapter for each of your two points. The first chapter talks about some of the strange things people do in order to get pregnant. It's not saying people are nuts for trying things (in fact, my wife and I tried a few weird things too), the chapter looks more at why people do things and how to address the issue if the two of you wonder if you're going crazy. Your second point is a good one too - our chapter called 'The last thing you want to hear' talks about the Top 10 dumb things you'll hear (just relax being number one with a bullet) and gives advice on how to respond to it.
bron: one of the things that annoyed me the most when we were TTC was the things people would say to try to make us feel better. Often they were just clueless as to what we were going through and we hurting us (my wife in particular) without knowing it. IMHO, you really need to have gone through an experience like this to understand what it's like. I guess that's why I wrote Swimming Upstream.
David
Thank you for writing this book, I am very interested in it.
My problem is other people.
The frustrating thing for me is no one else gets it!! Bellybelly has been such a blessing as people here understand exactly what you are going thru.
If I hear one more person say to me "just relax it will happen!" I will rip out their throat!
People who have had no probs TTC can be so non supportive like "stop trying, stop thinking about it" So we just dont tell people at all now. But I know people who tryed for 10 years before seeking help and when they did they fell pregnant with twins first IVF cycle, why go thru all that, where is the point when you go lets get checked out? ASAP as far as I'm concerned.
We want this more than anything in the world and are going to appreciate every second of it when it happens.
All i can say is thank god for Bellybelly!!:biggrin:
Looking forward to reading your article
Blayz - I agree totally! Thank god for BellyBelly! Also, I hate it when people say "just relax" or "it'll happen when you stop trying so hard"! Just recently i've adopted the whole i'm infertile, its not going to happen without help approach with people i feel are insensitive to what DP and i are going through (i don't think that at all and I'm TTC as hard as ever). A lot of people don't know how to respond to this and now they have moved on from saying "Just relax" to maybe its your DP with the problems! Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!! i could just scream! Why does it have to be either of us with the problem? Why couldn't it be both of us? Maybe there is no problem, its just taking a while!
Through out it all though, i've come to realise that these people have no idea what we are going through and I have to remember this. They are just trying to be comforting and unfortunately because they can't relate they always say the wrong thing. I think a part of that also comes from us thinking that they can't understand anything of what we are feeling so what they are saying is ignorant to our situations. So we twist what they are saying into something bad (not intentionally twist it).
I can't wait to read this book though!
Last edited by Bron81; January 29th, 2007 at 03:22 PM.
: just wanted to fix it up and add on a bit
Funnily enough, everything I can think of that would make a good article... I've already seen in the book!
David, I would like to take the chance to personally thank you for putting the time and effort into writing a book that has helped both myself and my husband through this horror of infertility. I was really impressed that my husband voluntarily picked it up and started reading it for himself.
The one thing I've found hardest to deal with are the people who want to sympathise and say they know how you feel, when they really have no clue. I had a friend try to tell me that she knew how I felt after TTC for four months with regular cycles... how can you possibly make someone understand that 4 months of seeing your body work normally is nothing on 12 months of seeing your body consistently fail to ovulate, and 6 months of knowing that your husband also has fertility issues? It's comments like those that seem to have the effect of minimising our experience and our pain... I still don't know quite how to deal with it...
David,
It seems the thing that drives all of us crazy is other people. All the stupid comments we have heard like “just relax, it’ll happen”, or “maybe you’re doing it wrong”, or “I know how you feel, it took us 3 months of trying”.
My problem at the moment is my DH wants to tell everyone who asks about our TTC story, but I am the complete opposite. I told a few people and their reactions left me feeling cold. This is something DH and I have discussed at length, but never seem to agree on. He sees it as merely a hiccup in the road that needs medical intervention. I see it as all the disappointment, frustration, jealously, etc. Although we are going through the whole thing together, our individual journeys are quite different. We both sometimes need to remember that we feel differently about TTC, and neither of us have it right or wrong.
Sites like Bellybelly, and books like yours are important to help those of us going through this feel we are not alone. I don’t think we’ll ever change the other people, but we can influence the way we feel about ourselves and our situation.
Jo
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