I'm sorry Calluna!
All your thoughts and feelings are normal - it's grieving.
Some people will tell you it gets easier. I personally, don't think it does.
Rest assured it was nothing you did, ie no vitamins, MIL stress, lifting or anything.
It's not something you could control, which for me was the hardest part too. I hate limbo and the not knowing.
My DH was a little similar after our first m/c. Then when we had a 2nd, he changed his tune. But then I could also see he felt like me, heartbroken for the dreams, plans and future we had planned for our babes.
I'm am now 15weeks pregnant (I'm not telling you this to hurt) and I'm still in disbelief and don't feel 'connected'. I'm somewhat excited, but I can't help forget about what was before.

The thing that got me through, was that there wasn't a heartbeat. Somehow it made it easier to process it wasn't a living being, that had died. It was my dreams.
Just take a day at a time. You are allowed to be upset and angry.
And it will hurt when others around you tell you they are pregnant, I'm not going to lie.

Xxx