Hi Kirsty

Not sure if you remember me (I exchanged a few emails with you in the "A wise woman once said to me" thread a few months ago). I have been following your progress closely and was devastated to hear the news about Speckle. And I am sad to hear that you are having a crappy day. I really do wish that there was something I could do or say that might be of some assistance to you, particularly since your own comments had such a monumental impact on me after I lost my little girl in February. In fact, they still are having an impact.

Kirstly, I can relate to having periods of peace and acceptance about the loss of a baby (accompanied by concern about whether that meant I wasn't grieving properly), interspersed by fits of tears when reminders arrive via the telephone or mail (I forgot about my booking-in appointment with the hospital too, and burst into tears when I was trying to explain to the woman on the other end of the line that the interview was no longer necessary. She just didn't seem to be getting it. I ended up blurting out "My baby died!". It just seemed to BOOM out of my mouth and was echoing loudly off the walls of my very quiet and very empty house before I realised that I was actually the person who had said it). And I recall that just when i thought I was doing okay (which was actually quite often in those early weeks), I'd be confronted by something else (birth certificates, cremation certificates, death certificates, a letter from centrelink confirming that I had been paid the baby bonus, etc). I cried for hours after I opened that Centrelink letter. I remember feeling like I'd exchanged my baby for a $3000 cheque (although I know that in reality that isn't what happened at all).

Based on my own experience, Kirsty I really do feel for you - I can only imagine what it might be like to have lost two precious bubs. That is my worst nightmare at the moment. If there is anything I can do to support you and your family, just let me know. You clearly have touched many others via this forum. So many people have volunteered to lend an ear to you when you need - and I'd like to join that group of people. If you ever want to chat, feel free to post or PM me. In the meantime, I'll be thinking of you.

Hugs,
J.