Hi all, I've been on bb since october last year and have finally gotten up the guts to come on here - about a month ago I also got up the guts to list my angels in my sig.
I've lost 4 precious angels before 8 weeks, the first ended in a termination after it was found to be borderline ectopic and had serious abnormalities that would not allow it to survive. I had no support back then, being only 17. My doctor told me it my fault for being so young, that because of my age my baby had problems and hadn't implanted in the right place (which is stupid, anyone who has done VCE Units 1-4 in Biology would know that that isn't true) and that I wouldn't be a good mother because of it.
The second died after a car accident (I lost it 5 days later) and the other two had no explanation but could have been chemical pregnancies...
The last one was over 2 years ago now, and I have a healthy ds who will be 1 on the 23rd, which just goes to show that there is hope for those who have had mc's. DS is the light of my life, and brings me so much joy that I often forget my angels anniveraries, and when I do remember them I feel guilty that they aren't here, playing with their little brother.
With the first angel, my boyfriend at the time had been urging me to terminate even before we had the first scan and found out what was wrong. I still get angry at how happy he was after the d&c when he knew that he wasn't going to have to have all the responsibility of being a father. I still have no closure, even after helping others for years. I should be a counselor, I've helped that many people, all because I've been through the same thing.
I guess I've been holding it all in for so long now that I need someone to talk to about it. I give out advice to everyone on how to live/deal/manage with it, but never seek advice or support for myself when I'm having a hard time. I guess I've been channeling it all into helping others instead of helping myself. I'd love to have someone to talk to, both here on bb andvia txt when I need to, especially now that I'm ttc again.
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