My BIL and SIL and new newphew spent boxing day with us, and I spent most of it cuddling and smelling this little precious person. It was lovely - and heart wrenching at the same time.

DH (who is not living with us) was there as well - and he continually says I want to have another one. whats so painful about hearing him say that now is that when I fell pregnant with Aston for the first 20 weeks he was not a very nice individual about the whole thing. He even had the audacity to say on boxing day well if you won't have one with me I'll find someone else to. I could have thumped him there and then.

Such a myriad of emotions flow through me. Its not even just the baby thing - its the fact that I don't feel finished. that I have one more CHILD in me to have. That there is one more little soul circling around me, waiting to be born.... sigh.

When my SIL was feeding her little man, I got that let down feeling. god it hurts. So I'm sitting there with my hands pressed against my breasts to stop it... bloody hell just happened again thinking about it!!

its such a double edged sword isnt it? The strong intense desire to want another child... ....